You Walk Into a Bar

YOU WALK INTO A BAR by Stacey Janssen [[Start]]

You walk into a bar—specifically, you walk into the Mixin’ Match, a local singles bar. It’s a large, dim room broken up by scattered tables with booths lining either wall and a small dance floor toward the back. Music pulses from every direction as blue and purple lights drift slowly over the crowd. You feel the bass in your chest. The bar is to your left, and behind it, you see a door labeled EMPLOYEES ONLY—the door to the back room. [[Flyers]] and [[notices]] line the walls, and a [[commercial]] plays on the muted TV above the bar. You inspect your outfit—a deep blue dress shirt, black pinstripe slacks, and dress boots—against those of the other patrons, then nod to yourself, satisfied. Your leather messenger bag pulls heavily on your shoulder. You’re thirsty, but two different people are waiting on you. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Find your date.]] [[Head to the back room.]] (set: $date to "new") (set: $table to "new") (set: $dfloor to "new") (set: $nonal to "new") (set: $angry to "new") (set: $pleased to "new") (set: $confused to "new") (set: $DenDan to "new") (set: $marcel to "new") (set: $badlie to "new") (set: $betterlie to "new")

This is a classy bar, so the flyers in here are pretty classy: laminated, neat, clean. Some are for upcoming events, several are for various types of alcohol and why this is the best brand. A few of them are ads for personal lights—LiteLoop and SafetyNet primarily, since those are the two most well-known brands. LiteLoop makes sort of a stiff necklace that lights you up—like the kind you can make out of glowsticks, but sturdier and brighter—and SafetyNet makes… basically a big mesh net that fits over your clothes like a poncho, with small LED lights all over it. You reach up to check and make sure you’ve turned your own LiteLoop off. You have.

Notices are posted at all key entry and exit points—by the front door, by the door to the back room, by the restrooms—by city ordinance. They read: --- STAY SAFE, BE SMART<ul><li>Keep a personal light AND a flashlight with you at all times.</li><li>Avoid dark areas such as alleys, side streets, and parking lots at night.</li><li>Avoid walking alone at night whenever possible.</li></ul>Because nothing is out there—but why risk it? --- Then, in smaller letters at the bottom: Paid for by the Community Defense Initiative.

You look up at the commercial playing on the TV behind the bar. It’s muted, but the captions play across the bottom of the screen. “LiteLoop™ is the only brand of personal light that offers you safety without limiting your vision! Our new design uses patented Glare Block technology to keep the bright light exactly where you want it—on you and out of your eyes.” The commercial shows an animated figure walking in the dark, demonstrating how this “patented Glare Block technology” works. As far as you can tell, it’s just an opaque plastic ring around your neck—kind of like one of those frilled lizards—with the lights on the underside instead of just wearing a light ring around your neck. You’re pretty sure this “technology” was already invented by vets; it looks very much like an inverted cone of shame. You reach up and touch your own, last-generation personal light around your neck and decide you’re good without the upgrade. You turn away from the TV.

You head over to the bar and greet the bartender, Marcel. He’s a tall Black man with black hair cut short on the sides with the top long and natural. Tonight, he’s wearing a white dress shirt with thin blue vertical stripes, black slacks, and a thin black belt. You don’t order your drink so much as nod when he asks whether you’d like your usual. The glass appears a moment later, and you eagerly bring the drink to your lips—refreshing. You’re about to set it down so you can get your wallet out when you see the note scrawled on the napkin: “They’re here.” You knew “they” would find you sooner or later. Part of you wants to see if you can pick them out of the crowd before they spot you, but you know Tomi probably wants to discuss the situation first. On the other hand, maybe you should bail? [[Leave the bar.]] [[Search for “them” in the crowd.]] [[Meet up with Tomi in the back room.->Head to the back room.]] (set: $marcel to "true")

You search the crowd, looking for your date. As you move further into the sea of bodies, a hurried blur in a forest green top and black jeans bumps you as it heads for the door. You flinch and put a hand to your midsection, gently touching the bandages beneath your shirt. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I—” As they look up, you recognize the short dark hair, the round face accented with an eyebrow ring, the sharp, dark eyes. As those eyes focus on you, they first seem heartened, then angry. “You!” They shake their head and shove past you. “You’re three hours late, and I’m leaving.” [[Apologize.]] [[Deny it.]] [[Flirt to change the subject.]] (set: $date to "true")

You walk into the back room to see Tomi, the bar’s owner, sitting alone at a long folding table, furiously typing into her phone and shaking her head. Her SafetyNet is draped over the back of the chair sitting next to her. She looks up as you walk in, immediately puts the phone on the table, and stands up—all one smooth, calm motion. Shoulder-length burgundy braids frame her dark brown face, which is accented by a gold nose stud and small gold hoop earrings. Her gold sequins dress shimmers even under the dull lighting of the back room. Tomi’s voice is calm, but the anger flares in her eyes as she folds her arms over the deep V of her dress and says, “You’re three hours late.” You have a good reason. [[Tell Tomi why you’re late.]] [[Lie.]] [[Lie badly.]]

You put money for your drink plus a tip on the bar, take a final gulp, and casually make your way toward the door. As you step into the chilled night air, you immediately notice how dark it is. This small side street has two streetlamps, but they’re both out. Since the bar is the only business down here—and since it has no windows—the only light on the whole street comes from the neon red “open” sign to your immediate right. You know going left leads to a dead end, but going right leads to a busy road. You can see the lights from here. It’s about 100 yards away. Inside, you may have to deal with “them.” Out here, you may have to deal with them. [[Go back inside.]] [[Walk toward the road.]] [[Stand still, racked with indecision.]]

You stand up and look out over the crowd. They’re here. That’s good to know. The information would be even more helpful, however, if you had any idea what they looked like. You wade through the sea of people milling around tables and booths and look out onto the dance floor. You nod slowly, as if to confirm to yourself that you know what you’re doing. You suppose you’re looking for someone who sticks out. Perhaps they’re wearing a sign? A sign would be very helpful. “Hello, my name is THEM.” On the one hand, Tomi probably knows what you should be looking for. On the other hand, you kind of feel like you’re nailing this search so far. [[Go talk to Tomi in the back room.->Head to the back room.]] [[Keep searching on your own.]] [[Have a breakdown.]]

This feels wrong. You lightly touch the personal light around your neck, but it doesn’t feel like enough, and you don’t have a flashlight on you. You can’t be sure, but… was that scuffling from the dark? You decide against this plan after all and head back inside. When the door closes behind you, a feeling of safety washes over you. “They” are still in here, and Tomi probably has an opinion on handling them. On the other hand, maybe another drink would settle your nerves. [[Order a drink.->Second Drink]] [[Search for “them” in the crowd.]] [[Meet up with Tomi in the back room.->Head to the back room.]]

Knowing the dangers, you press on. You remember the personal light around your neck and reach up to turn it on. Moving forward is better than standing still in the dark, and you’re not actually excited about the prospect of running into “them” inside the bar. “They” are very unhappy about some of the things you’ve done—and, most likely, what’s in your bag. On the other hand, Tomi will be... extremely displeased... if you don’t make this handoff tonight. She’s waiting in the back room. [[Walk toward the road, trying to stay quiet.]] [[Run toward the road, trying to be quick.]] [[Get back inside the bar.]]

Too nervous to go forward, but too stubborn to return to the safety of the bar, you do nothing. You merely stare into the inky blackness all around you. You can’t see them. But they can see you. And, more importantly, smell you. You hear them approach, and as you do, you remember your personal light, but it’s too late. You hear scuffling, then howling, then your own screaming. Then nothing. You have reached the Indecision ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You order another drink. You think over the day’s events and what the note (“they’re here”) means for you. After a time, Marcel sets your drink down in front of you. You take a moment to appreciate the drink’s aroma before bringing it to your lips. It’s still quite early. The whole night is ahead of you. [[Order a drink.->Third Drink]] [[Search for “them” in the crowd.]] [[Head to the back room.]]

Part of you thinks you should get on with what you came here to do. On the other hand, Marcel makes a helluva drink. To hell with whatever you walked in here to do! This is your time, and you’ll do as you please. You order another drink, and this time you drink is so fast, you almost don’t taste it. [[Order a drink.->Final Drink]] [[Search for “them” in the crowd.]] [[Head to the back room.]]

(if: $nonal is "true")[You feel great. You’re strong, you’re smart, and you’re ready to get down to business. You look down at your glass and take the last swig from it, setting it down with a heavy thud. You marvel at how refreshed and hydrated you feel. [[Order a drink.->Final Drink ALT]] [[Search for “them” in the crowd.]] [[Head to the back room.]]] (else:)[You feel great. You’re strong, you’re smart, and you are so goddamn funny. You look down at your glass and take the last swig from it, setting it down with a heavy thud. You marvel at [[your tolerance]]. It seems like no matter how many drinks you order, you don’t progress past this “comfortably tipsy” feeling. [[Order a drink.->Final Drink]] [[Search for “them” in the crowd.]] [[Head to the back room.]]]

But… why are you marveled by your tolerance? You’ve been drinking non-alcoholic beverages. Wait, is that right? You suddenly can’t remember. What have you been drinking? [[Booze.]] [[Something non-alcoholic.]]

Okay, yes, that’s right. You have been drinking alcohol. You’re not really sure why you got confused. [[Return.->Final Drink]]

Okay, yes, that’s right. You’ve been drinking strictly non-alcoholic beverages. Why did you think you’d been drinking booze? That was weird. [[Return.->Final Drink ALT]]

You feel great. You’re strong, you’re smart, and you’re ready to get down to business. You look down at your glass and take the last swig from it, setting it down with a heavy thud. You marvel at how refreshed and hydrated you feel. [[Order a drink.->Final Drink ALT]] [[Search for “them” in the crowd.]] [[Head to the back room.]] (set: $nonal to "true")

You don’t need ridiculous things like descriptions of people to find them in a crowd. You have a little thing called intuition, and you’re pretty sure that will lead you in the right direction. You aim your intuition into the crowd and let it loose at full power. (That’s how intuition works, right?) And just like that, you find them immediately. You’re sure of it. They look… (if: $pleased is "true")[[[Pleased.->Pleased Alt]]](else:)[[Pleased.]] (if: $angry is "true")[[[Angry.->Angry Alt]]](else:)[[Angry.]] (if: $confused is "true")[[[Confused.->Confused Alt]]](else:)[[Confused.]]

There’s too much pressure! First there was the botched job earlier today, now THEY are looking for you, and you have no idea who they even are! They could be anyone! THEY COULD BE YOU! No, wait, that last one is probably wrong. You’re just so overwhelmed. You weren’t supposed to be here alone tonight. Rashaad was supposed to come with you, but now he’s lying in the hospital, and… and… and… You fall to your knees, clutch your head, and cry. The other patrons politely step around you. Eventually, you grab a flashlight from behind the bar and just go home. You can make your delivery tomorrow. Maybe. Who cares anyway? You have reached the Defeated ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

They’re sitting alone in a booth, and when you meet their eyes, they look extremely pleased. You sit down across from them and smile, waiting for them to confess to who they are. Instead they say, “Hi! How’s your night going?” Hmm. Perhaps, just this one time, your intuition has missed the mark. You’re pretty sure “they” wouldn’t greet you so kindly. “I’m sorry,” you say, starting to stand up, “I seem to have the wrong table.” They grab your arm before you can walk away. “Wait,” they say. “As long as you’re here, why don’t we get to know each other?” [[Agree.]] [[“I’m meeting someone.”]] [[“I’m avoiding someone.”]] (set: $pleased to "true")

You spot a face in the crowd that looks familiar. You can’t quite place it—but that face recognizes you, and the look of anger is unmistakable. That must be “them”! You’ve come this far. There’s only thing you can do now. [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Confront “them.”]] (set: $angry to "true")

You sit down at a table and find that you’re sitting across from a very confused face. After a moment, the stranger says, “Yes? Can I help you?” You’re about to think of a clever response—it’s right on the tip of your tongue—when the stranger says, “Actually, just… I’m meeting someone, so if you could just leave, that would be great.” Hmph. It seems not only is this not who you thought it was, but nobody ever taught them any manners. You have a keen sense, however, for knowing when you’re not wanted. You smooth out your hair as you stand up, shoot the stranger a snide look, and get back to what you were doing. [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]] (set: $confused to "true")

You smile. The stranger is nice-looking. “Sure,” you say, making yourself comfortable. “Why not?” [[“What do you do?”]] [[“Are you meeting someone?”]] [[“Do you come here often?”]]

“I’m sorry,” you say, “I’m actually meeting someone else. Perhaps another time.” You stand up before the stranger can stop you, and you make your way, once again, into the crowd. [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]]

“I’m sorry,” you say, “I should go—I’m actually trying to avoid being noticed.” “Well,” says the stranger, taking a long drink, “why not avoid being noticed with me?” [[Agree.]] [[Decline.]] [[Make a bet.]]

(if: $date is "true")[You look around for a moment before remembering that your date already left. Hmph.] (else:)[You search the crowd, looking for your date. You spend about ten minutes looking—at the bar, around the dance floor, by the tables and booths—but it looks like they left. You look at your watch and whistle. That makes sense, actually.] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Order a drink.->Third Drink]] [[Search for “them” in the crowd.]]

You turn around and, giving up whatever your original plan was, head straight out the door and into the night. As you step into the chilled air, you notice how dark it is. Both streetlamps are out and you didn’t grab a flashlight on the way out, so the only light you’ll have is the personal light around your neck. You know going left leads to a dead end, but going right leads to a busy road. You can see the lights from here. It’s about 100 yards away. Inside, you may have to deal with "them." Out here, you may have to deal with them. [[Go back inside, head to the back room, and talk to Tomi.->Head to the back room.]] [[Walk toward the road.->Walk toward the road V2]] [[Stand still, racked with indecision.]]

“Thank you,” you say, “but I’m afraid I can’t.” You get up before the stranger can stop you and give them an apologetic smile. “Have a nice evening.” [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]]

“Tell you what,” you say. “If you can guess what’s in my messenger bag, I will stay and talk to you. If you can’t, I will go back about my business.” The stranger looks intrigued at your proposition. After a moment, they say, “Okay. I’ll bite. It’s… something illegal.” [[“Getting warmer.”]] [[“Getting colder.”]] [[“Define illegal.”]]

“So what do you do?” you ask. The stranger laughs. “Oh, this and that. I guess you could call me a freelancer.” After a long sip from the glass in front of them, they add, “The other word you could use is unemployed, if you wanted to get technical about it.” [[“Are you meeting someone?”]] [[“Do you come here often?”]] [[Excuse yourself.]]

“Are you meeting someone here tonight?” you ask. “Looks like I’m meeting you.” The stranger flashes an enticing smile. [[“What do you do?”]] [[“Do you come here often?”]] [[Excuse yourself.]]

You lean in and offer your best pick-up line. “So… come here often?” The stranger laughs. “Wow, I haven’t heard that line in a while. I thought it died in the 90s.” A pause while they take a drink. “Anyway, no. Not very often. Not that often, anyway.” [[“What do you do?”]] [[“Are you meeting someone?”]] [[Excuse yourself.]]

Something about the stranger is beginning to put you off. Deciding to move on, you offer an apologetic smile and glance at your watch without really seeing the time. “Oh shoot,” you say, “I’m afraid I have to run, actually, but it’s been very nice talking with you.” You move to exit the booth, but the stranger puts a hand on your arm. It’s a very casual movement, but the grip on your arm is not casual, and neither is the voice—it’s low, almost menacing. “Wait.” [[Wait.]] [[Excuse yourself again—politely.]] [[Yank your arm away and yell.]]

There’s an urgency in the stranger’s voice that compels you to sit back down. They lean across the table and lower their voice to a whisper. “I know who you are. I’ve been following you.” You realize you really did find “them,” and it suddenly occurs to you that it might have made sense to have some backup for this confrontation. Your mind races through your available options, and you nearly come up with one when the stranger continues, “I want to join you.” [[“You’re not with the agency?”]] [[“Join me with what?”]] [[“Sorry, no.”]]

This was already feeling weird, but now it’s feeling extra weird. You pull your arm out of their grasp, your brows furrowed, and say, “Sorry, no. I have to go.” You turn to go and mutter, “Have a good evening,” more from habit than sincerity. You need to get back to what you were doing. [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]]

“What the fuck—let go,” you say, yanking your arm out of the stranger’s grasp. “The fuck is wrong with you?” You realize you’re yelling, but you don’t care. Who just grabs a stranger, anyway? As you turn away from the table, you hear the stranger start to object, but you turn around and shout, “Leave me the fuck alone!” before walking away. They don’t follow you. [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]]

“Wait,” you say, surprised, “you’re not with the agency?” The stranger’s eyes grow sharp. “What agency?” “What? No, nothing. Hey, it sure is late.” Your words are rushed as you realize this is definitely not the person you thought it was, and you may now have said too much, so you should probably leave before you say even more. “So sorry, gotta run!” You practically leap from the table, and you’re gone before the stranger can even react. [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]]

“What?” you say, surprised. “Join me with what exactly?” They look at you like you’re a fool. “I told you I’ve been following you. I’m not stupid. You come in here once or twice a week with that messenger bag, then go to the back room for a while, then you come out of the back and order a drink and go home. It’s so obvious. You’re selling—” They stop, make a big show of looking around for someone listening in, then lean in again and lower their voice even further, so you can barely hear them over the music. “You’re selling drugs. And I want in.” [[“I don’t sell drugs.”]] [[“Ah yes… I sell, uh, drugs.”]] [[“Sorry, no.”]]

Okay, so they’re maybe not the “they” you thought they were after all, but some kind of… groupie? You didn’t think your job had groupies. You feel your eyebrows knit together as you stand up. “Sorry,” you say, “we’re all full up.” “Wait, let me talk! I’d be really good!” “Sorry,” you say firmly. “The answer is no. Do not contact me again.” You walk away from the table, and they don’t follow you. [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]]

You’re so taken aback by the accusation that you actually laugh. “Sorry, I don’t sell drugs. I have nothing to do with drugs, actually. I just happen to know the owner. She and I go way back, so I come in and visit with her sometimes.” The stranger’s eyes don’t leave yours. “Then what’s in the bag?” You raise an eyebrow. “My personal belongings, what else? Some boring work paperwork, my laptop—messenger bag stuff.” You’ve had enough of this. You get up and leave the table without another word before the stranger can stop you again. [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]]

“Ah,” you say. “Yes, that’s… that’s it. Drugs. I’m just… I, uh… What can I say? I just… love selling drugs.” The stranger smiles. “Great. I thought so.” They reach into their back pocket and reveal a badge. Before you can fully process what that means, the stranger is standing up and pulling out a pair of handcuffs. “Wait,” you say, “I was kidding.” “Save it for the station,” the stranger says, then breaks into the recitation of your rights. You comply because you don’t have a better option, but Tomi is going to be really mad about this. And just wait until the cops find out what’s really in your bag. Looks like you’re in for a long night. You have reached the Geeze Take a Joke ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You screw up your courage and march up to this angry face, ready to give them a piece of your mind—then you realize it’s one of Tomi’s employees, a stout man with ashy hair and a washed-out face. That’s why he looked familiar! He’s wearing a plain gray suit with a starched white shirt underneath. “You’re three hours late,” he sneers. “Tomi’s waiting for you in the back. She’s howlin’ mad. You better have a good excuse.” He bumps your shoulder as he walks past you. [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Order a drink.->Third Drink]]

“Wait.” Your date stops and turns back toward you. “I know I’m late, and I’m so sorry,” you say. “I got hung up on a job.” “You didn’t even call. I tried to call you, but your phone was off.” “I lost it,” you explain. “This last job got a little… involved… and I lost it. I have to go get a new one tomorrow. I’m sorry. I came as fast as I could, believe me.” Their expression softens, though they’re clearly still upset. “I’ll stay for one drink,” they say, “but then I really do have to go.” You manage to grab a booth just as someone is leaving, and you order a drink each for you and your date. Just as you’re about to break out your incredibly charming personality, your date turns to you and says, “I know why you invited me tonight.” [[Immediately explain yourself.]] [[Ask why they think you invited them out.]] [[Flirt your way out of this.]]

“Wait.” Your date stops and turns back toward you. “Three hours?” you say. “I don’t think that’s right. You must have written down the wrong time.” Their dark eyes go wide. “You gaslighting piece of—ugh, just fuck off.” They turn back toward the door and keep going, out of the bar and into the night. [[Follow your date.]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Order a drink.->First Drink]]

“Wait.” Your date stops and turns back toward you. “You look incredible,” you say, flashing your sexiest smile. “I’m just so grateful you agreed to meet me. Can I buy you a drink?” “Whatever,” your date replies with a scowl. “It’s too late for that shit. I shouldn’t even have stayed this long.” They turn back toward the door and keep going, out of the bar and into the night. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Follow your date.]]

You head out the door after your date. They’re already down the small side street, about to turn onto the busy road. You consider following, but then the only two streetlamps on this street go out simultaneously. Your date is about to reach the corner, and you’re now standing in the dark. Someone is still waiting for you inside, and something’s always waiting in the night. [[Go back inside.->Go back inside V2]] [[Follow your date anyway.]] [[Stand still, racked with indecision.]]

The lights have gone out, which is weird. Your date is gone, which makes sense. The best option is to head back inside, so you do. As you close the door behind you, a sense of safety comes over you. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Date]]

“Okay listen,” you say, speaking quickly, as though the faster you get it out, the faster you can have a nice time. “Just because I invited you here as a cover doesn’t mean I didn’t also want to see you! I really would like to get to know you! I just happened to plan it to coincide with my delivery. And it turns out now that I’m late for both our date AND my delivery, BUT think about THIS: I came looking for you first, before I even went in the back to meet up with Tomi. So. I think that says something about how serious I am here.” Your date’s eyes are as big as saucers. You may have made a miscalculation. [[Backpedal.]] [[Quickly change the subject.]] [[Say nothing.->Say nothing; date]]

You laugh. “Well, sure,” you say, “just look at you! How could I not have invited you out?” You flash a big grin. Your date gives their best humoring smile and quietly sips their drink. [[Double down on flirting.]] [[Immediately explain yourself.]] [[Ask why they think you invited them out.]]

“It’s really great to be here with you tonight,” you say, leaning forward across the table. You reach out for your date’s hand, intending to take it, but it disappears from the table before you can. “Have I mentioned that you look great tonight?” “Only about 40 times,” they say, scowling. They check their wrist, upon which no watch sits, and say, “It’s late. I’ve gotta go. See ya.” You stand when they do, but they push past you and hurry toward the door. They leave, out of the bar and into the night. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Follow your date.]]

“Okay,” you say. “Why do you think I invited you out?” Your date looks at you with a knowing smile, the first warmth they’ve shown you tonight. “You asked me here because you know I work at the animal shelter, and you want to find out how to get involved.” [[“Yes, that’s true.”]] [[“That’s not why.”]] [[“Wait, what?”]]

“Just kidding!” you shout, a little too loud. “Haha. Gotcha. Just a gag.” You date stares at you. “So, uh.” You clear your throat. “Why do you think I invited you here?” A quiet moment passes between you, then your date blinks a few times, shakes their head, gets up, and leaves the bar. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Follow your date.]]

“Anyway,” you say quickly, trying to remember what people talk about, “have you, uh, seen that new Netflix show? Everybody’s talking about it. Feels like you can’t get away from it! I haven’t seen it yet, but all my friends have and they all say it’s great and that I should really watch it…” You’re afraid if you stop talking, your date will leave, so you fill the air with every trite bit of nothing your mind can conjure, not even hearing it anymore, not even listening, just spewing words into the air. You finally run out, nothing left inside you. You look over at your date and realize they’re typing on their phone. They stopped listening long ago. Now, as they realize you’ve finally stopped talking, they look up and say, “So, we’re done here, yeah?” Without waiting for confirmation, your date stands up and walks out of the bar. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Follow your date.]]

You both sit in silence for what feels like several minutes. Then your date blinks rapidly, as though waking from a daze, and quietly mutters, “What the fuck…” before getting up and walking out of the bar. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Follow your date.]]

You hadn’t actually realized your date worked at the local animal shelter, but as they say it now, you realize this is exactly what you’d like to do. Your current job is… well, it’s demanding and frankly, you’re tired of the injuries. “You’re right,” you say in earnest. “I would love to get involved at the animal shelter. What can I do?” The two of you talk about your options for a while, then decide to leave together and go to a coffee shop instead. It’s quieter there, and you can hear each other better. You clutch your messenger bag close to you, being sure to not let it out of your grasp all evening. The next day, after taking your wallet out of it, you bury the bag in the nearby woods, then set to work on the steps you need to take to begin your new life at the animal shelter. You have reached the Animal Friendship ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“Actually,” you say cautiously, “that’s not why I asked you here. I think it’s very cool that you work with animals! But I asked you here as a… to just have a nice time with a cool person.” Your date’s face falls. “Really? This was a real date to you, and you were three hours late?” You reply with a smile you hope is charming. Your date sighs, gets up, and leaves the bar. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Follow your date.]]

You shake your head in quick motions, as if to clear your thoughts away. “Wait, what? Why would I want to work for an animal shelter? Animals smell bad, plus I’m allergic.” A scoffing laugh escapes your lips. As you see your date’s face, you realize that may have been a bit harsh. You’re about to backpedal when your date stands up and says, “You don’t have to be such a jerk about it. Geeze.” They shoot you a look and mutter something that includes the phrase “dodged a bullet” and leave the bar. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Follow your date.]]

“Hmm,” you say, considering. “You’re definitely getting warmer.” You say it, but you’re not sure that’s precisely true. There’s not an explicit law against what you have in your bag, but you’re also pretty sure that there would be if more people knew the truth. As you go down this mental spiral of whether or not what you have in your bag is strictly illegal, the stranger says, “It’s drugs, isn’t it? You sell drugs. I’ve seen you come in here lots of times and go straight to the back room with that bag of yours. So I’m pretty sure it’s drugs.” [[“I don’t sell drugs.”]] [[“Ah yes… I sell, uh, drugs.”]] [[Panic.]]

You shake your head and tsk. “Getting colder,” you say. And you’re not lying. The item in your bag is not technically illegal. Societies rarely outlaw things they don’t believe exist. “In fact, that’s ice cold. Sorry, but looks like you lose the bet.” You smile and stand up, getting back to what you’re doing. “Wait,” they say. “So what is in the bag?” [[“That wasn’t the deal.”]] [[“You’ll just have to wonder.”]] [[“One more guess.”]]

You wonder about this for a moment. Something can’t technically be illegal if no one thinks it exists, right? But your line of work does involve a lot of secrecy, and there are people who would like you to stop. Hmm. You aren’t actually sure what the true answer is! “What,” you say slowly as you work all this out, “precisely is your definition of ‘illegal’?” The stranger’s eyes narrow even as the smile remains on their face. “Something that would be against the law to have in your possession.” You smile. “In that case, nope! Sorry, but you lose the bet!” You get up and add, “Have a great evening, though!” and start to head back to what you were doing. “Wait,” they say. “So what is in the bag?” [[“That wasn’t the deal.”]] [[“You’ll just have to wonder.”]] [[“One more guess.”]]

You laugh. “Now, you know that wasn’t the deal.” “But I really need to know now! Come on, you have to tell me.” [[“You’ll just have to wonder.”]] [[“One more guess.”]] [[“I don’t have to do anything.”]]

“Sorry,” you say with a smile. “I guess you’ll just have to wonder.” You straighten up and get back to what you were doing. [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]]

“Okay,” you say with a smile. “One more guess.” The stranger screws up their face as they consider all the available options. “Animal, vegetable, or mineral?” they ask. “No hints.” Finally, after a long silence, they offer you a defeated smile. “Your pet rock collection?” “Nice try,” you laugh. “Have a great night!” You turn and walk back toward the next thing you plan to do. [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Leave the bar.->Leave bar, V2]]

Your jovial demeaner falls away, and you become serious. “No, actually. I don’t have to tell you anything, and it turns out you’re a stranger with no actual authority over me. So, bye.” As you turn to walk away, the stranger says, “If you’re gonna be like that about it, I’ll show you just how wrong you are.” You turn and see the stranger pull out a badge and a pair of handcuffs. “Turn around, you little snot.” “On what grounds?” you ask. “I see you come here all the time and go straight to the back room with that bag of yours. I’m willing to bet you actually do have drugs in there, and since you think I don’t deserve your precious time, we’ll just find out whether I’m right down at the station.” You definitely don’t have drugs in your bag, and you’re pretty sure you’re getting arrested for walking away from someone with a snide comment. It’s almost like too much authority with little to no accountability has predictable consequences. Weird. Anyway, Tomi is going to be pissed when she finds out about this. You have reached the There Should Be a Phrase for This ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“DRUGS?” you say, way too loud. “WHY WOULD IT BE DRUGS? WHAT A RIDICULOUS THING TO SUGGEST! WHO SELLS DRUGS NOWADAYS ANYWAY, THAT IS SO PASSE, HA HA HA… HA!” When you’re through screaming, you leap to your feet and run out the front door. The streetlamps are burnt out and you didn’t grab a flashlight on your way out, but you have just enough presence of mind to reach up and turn on the personal light around your neck. And besides that, you are sprinting faster than you even knew you could. You’re almost sure—and are certainly hoping like hell—that you can outrun anything in the dark until you get to the busy road at the end of this side street. Good luck. You have reached the But You Don’t Even Sell Drugs ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You walk toward the road slowly, being as quiet as you can. You remember the personal light around your neck, and you’re about to turn it on, but then you think maybe you should just leave it off so that the things in the dark can’t hear you OR see you. This seems to work for a while. Unfortunately, not only can they still see you—they can smell you. You hear them approach, and you take off at a run, but it’s too late. You hear scuffling, then howling, then your own screaming. Then nothing. You have reached the Failed Your Stealth Check ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You take off at a run, reaching up and turning on the personal light around your neck as you go—but it’s dimmer than usual. The battery’s going. You keep your eyes on the lights up ahead, trying to tune out the sounds pursuing you—whether those sounds are real or imagined, you’re not completely sure, but you’re not slowing down to find out. Then you hear what are definitely footfalls behind you—heavy and hurried and hungry. You don’t slow down. If anything, the sound propels you forward even faster. Twenty feet to the road. Fifteen feet. Ten. As you reach the well-lit avenue, you almost throw yourself down, stumbling into the middle of the street and nearly getting hit by a car, but it swerves in time. You get up to see the driver flipping you off as the car goes by. You wave, then make your way back to the sidewalk. You look down the side street you just came from, but you see nothing. They won’t come into the light. You made it. You raise an arm to hail a cab and make your way home. You have reached the Cut Out Early ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

Even with your personal light, you don’t feel safe enough to run down this street with the lights out. You turn around and hurry back to the bar. As the doors close behind you, you can’t help but feel a sense of relief. You’re still thirsty, but two different people are still waiting on you. [[Order a drink.->Second Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Find your date.->Find date; date is gone]]

“Ummm…” you begin, really drawing the word out as you consider which direction to take this. “Well. So, Rashaad and me were on the way out to the site when suddenly, there was, uh… oh, lights! Yeah. Up in the sky. Bunch of ’em. Just, uh. Just lousy with lights. And Rashaad was like, ‘Whoa! What’s that?’ and I was like, ‘Whoa! I dunno!’ And then they, uh, took us up onto their ship—oh, they were aliens, by the way—so they took us onto their ship, and we were like, ‘Don’t hurt us!’ and they were like, ‘Nah, we just wanted to show off our really cool ship.’ Then they gave us a tour, and we were like, ‘That was awesome. Thank you.’” When you finish speaking, Tomi’s eyes are clenched shut and she’s rubbing the bridge of her nose. It’s hard to tell, but you have a sneaking suspicion that Tomi doesn’t believe you. [[Tell the truth.->Tell Tomi why you’re late.]] [[Lie better.->Lie.]] [[Commit to this lie.]] (set: $badlie to "true")

(if: $badlie is "true")[ You realize you may have reached too far with this one. You decide to pull back a bit.](else:)[Even with no reason to lie to Tomi, you just feel like trying it. You’ve never lied to Tomi before. Maybe you should take it for a walk.] “The car broke down on the way back,” you say. Then you add, “Took forever for the tow truck to show up,” just for flavor. Tomi rolls her eyes, apparently believing you. “Fine,” she says, “Do you have it or not?” “Yeah, I’ve got it,” you say, reaching into your messenger bag. “It’s right here.” [[Pull out what Tomi is asking for.]] [[Pull out a loaded gun.]] [[Pull out the first thing you touch.]] (set: $betterlie to "true")

“Yeah, sorry,” you say. “We had trouble. We—” “You should have expected trouble.” Tomi looks at you like you’re the dumbest person alive, then shakes her head. “Do you have it or not?” “Yeah, I’ve got it,” you say, reaching into your messenger bag. “It’s right here.” [[Pull out what Tomi is asking for.]] [[Pull out a loaded gun.]] [[Pull out the first thing you touch.]]

You pull out an item carefully wrapped inside a towel and place it on the table. Peeling back the towel, you slowly reveal what at first glance could be a dog, but… isn’t a dog. The paws are… wrong. They’re much more like human hands with long claws on the end. The beginnings of what look like spikes extend from its spine. Its teeth seem almost too big for its face. Tomi stares down at the trophy, her expression unreadable. Denise and Daniel come up behind you—a Puerto Rican woman with biceps as big as your head in a black tank top with VASQUEZ embroidered on the chest and an equally muscular Korean-American man in a tight black shirt with CHO embroidered on the chest. These two are nominally the bar’s security, but you know they’re really Tomi’s personal security. Finally, Tomi looks up at you. “What the fuck is this? This is a baby.” [[Be a smartass.]] [[Tell Tomi what happened.]] [[Say nothing.->Say nothing; Tomi]] (set: $DenDan to "true")

You pull out a loaded gun and point it at Tomi. “On the other hand,” you begin, your whole speech prepared and practiced, “what if—” A loud but muted bang! from behind you and sudden, intense pain in your right arm. You turn as you go down, (if: $DenDan is "true")[seeing Denise holding her own gun, silencer on and still pointed at you. Daniel is shaking his head. Did you forget they were there?](else:)[seeing a Puerto Rican woman with biceps as big as your head in a black tank top holding her own gun, silencer on and still pointed at you. Beside her is an equally muscular Korean-American man in a tight black shirt. Denise and Daniel, nominally the bar’s security, but really Tomi’s personal security.] Tomi stands over you. She is some combination of amused and annoyed. “What the hell was that?” she asks. “You think I’m just back here with no protection? Incredible.” She shakes her head in disbelief, then says, “Looks like you better get yourself to a hospital. We can finish this later.” You don’t move for a minute. “Unless you want Denise and Daniel to help you leave?” You shake your head—you know how they help. You get up, holding your arm, and make your way to the back door. As you leave, you reach up and turn on the personal light around your neck, take a flashlight from behind the bar, and hope for the best as you take off into the dark. You have reached the Why Would You Do That ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You pull out an item carefully wrapped inside a paper sack. You open the bag gently, reverently, and reach inside. You reveal a leftover chicken drumstick from lunch and take a big bite, then offer the bag to Tomi. She levels a glare at you that almost knocks you down. You put the drumstick in your hand back in the sack, then put the paper sack back in your bag as you finish chewing and swallowing. “Sorry,” you say, “you looked hungry. Just trying to help.” [[Pull out what Tomi is asking for.]] [[Pull out a loaded gun.]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]]

You set aside your messenger bag and move into an open area of the room. You stand extremely straight for a moment, all eyes on you—and then you break into interpretive dance, thrusting limbs out and pulling them back in a rhythm that only you can hear. It isn’t until after you’ve started that you remember you don’t know anything at all about interpretive dance—or any other kind of dance, actually. Are you doing this right? Who knows! Eventually, though, with all those random contortions you’re trying to get your untrained body to do, you miss a step and fall flat on your back, your head slamming into the ground. You look up at the ceiling as your field of vision slowly narrows to a pinprick, then blinks out. Don’t worry. You’re not dead, just passed out. Still, that pretty much seals your evening plans. You have reached the Your Body Doesn’t Do That ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“Why’d you ask if you already knew the answer?” you say. “You answered your own question.” Tomi’s face hardens. “Do you really think it’s wise to play games with me right now?” [[Tell Tomi what happened.]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]] [[Pull out a loaded gun.]]

You sigh and resign yourself to the truth. “Look Tomi, we had trouble out there, Rashaad and me.” “It’s a chupacabra,” Tomi says, no sympathy in her voice. “It’d be weirder if you didn’t have trouble.” “Right, but… Look, we went out to the lair we heard about. The cave was dark, obviously, and I saw this one with the infrared, so I took the shot. We couldn’t tell from that far away that it was a baby. But then mom showed up, and she was…” You shake your head, remembering. “She was real mad.” Tomi’s eyes go wide. “Oh, you had mama chupacabra trouble.” You nod and lift your shirt, revealing several large bandages on and around your midsection. “Cut me up pretty good, but she really got hold of Rashaad. We both had to go to the hospital. Took forever to get checked out—you know how hospitals are. That’s why I’m so late. (if: $betterlie is "true")[It wasn’t car trouble.] They let me go, but they want to keep Rashaad overnight.” “What happened to the mom?” [[Answer the question.]] [[Play up your injury and avoid the question.]] [[Pretend you didn’t hear the question.]]

Tomi’s eyes do not leave yours. Neither of you speak for a long, uncomfortable moment. Finally, Tomi raises her eyebrows and lowers her voice. “If you want to walk out of here tonight, you better tell me why I’m looking at a juvenile chupacabra.” [[Break into interpretive dance.]] [[Tell Tomi what happened.]] [[Pull out a loaded gun.]]

You lower your eyes and gently put a hand to your midsection—light enough so it doesn’t hurt, but you wince anyway. You shut your eyes tight and groan a bit, slumping your shoulders for good measure. “Oh, she really got me,” you say, your voice weaker now, quieter. You offer a weak, strained cough for no particular reason. Tomi’s expression hardens, and she raises an eyebrow. “Funny how you were just fine two minutes ago when you walked in here. I don’t have time for bullshit. We still have to plan the wendigo hunt, and there’s another... pressing issue. So tell me: What. About. The mother?” [[Answer the question.]] [[Remind Tomi to pay you.->Remind Tomi; pre-agent]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]]

You continue on as though you didn’t hear Tomi’s question. “They say Rashaad should be completely fine, so we shouldn’t worry about him. They just want to keep an eye—” “Cut the crap. I don’t have time for bullshit. We still have to plan the wendigo hunt, and there’s another... pressing issue. So tell me: What. About. The mother?” [[Answer the question.]] [[Remind Tomi to pay you.->Remind Tomi; pre-agent]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]]

You touch your midsection at the memory. “The mom came out of nowhere—she was close by. I swear, if I’d realized it was a juvenile, I wouldn’t’ve even shot. She came for me first, then went for Rashaad when he tried to get her off me. They were moving so much I couldn’t get a good shot with the rifle, so instead of shooting at her, I shot into the dirt. It was loud enough to startle her and she ran off.” After a long, silent moment, Tomi whispers, “Goddammit.” Then, louder: “Wrap this guy up and put it back in your bag.” You’re confused. “Wait, you don’t even want it? I know it’s not an adult, but it’s not worthless—” “It is with two agents sitting out in my bar. I’m not taking shit from you right now.” [[Ask about the agents.]] [[Remind Tomi to pay you.->Remind Tomi; pre-agent]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]]

You clear your throat. “Um,” you start, “there’s still the… issue of… payment?” Tomi’s eyes are sharp as they focus on you. “We can talk about payment once we get these agents taken care of. I need your head on the task at hand.” [[Keep pushing about payment.]] [[Ask about the plan.]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]]

(if: $marcel is "true")[“Yeah, Marcel tipped me off about that. Are you sure that’s who it was?” “Oh yeah.](else:)[“Agents?” you ask. “What do you mean?” “I mean what I said.] I was out front talking to Marcel earlier, and we watched them come in. They’ve both got dark hair, one with long and one with short. One’s in red and black, the other’s in yellow and gray.” “How could you tell they were agents?” You idly wonder if they followed you here, and if not, how they knew you’d have a delivery tonight. “Please. I can spot a cop a mile away. Plus, they came in together. To a singles bar.” She wraps up the animal since you haven’t started, then thrusts it at you. You obligingly put it back into your bag. [[Ask about the plan.]] [[Remind Tomi to pay you.]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]]

“So then, what’s the plan?” you ask. “Do you want me to leave? (if: $date is "found")[I set up a date for tonight as a cover, but, uh... they left.”](else:)[Oh, actually, I set up a date for tonight as a cover, I could see if they’re still out there.” You look at your watch and whistle. You’re three hours late, remember? “On the other hand...”] “We need to get them back here,” says Denise. “We can question them. Corner them before they corner us. Threaten if necessary. We’ll have the upper hand.” “I think we should kick them out of the bar,” you say. “Why deal with them at all?” Tomi considers the options, then says, “No, bring them back here. If we kick them out tonight, they’ll just come back. Probably with more.” She’s silent a moment, then nods. “Yeah. Go get them.” You exit the back and look around for the [[agents]]. Looking for pairs who match Tomi’s description, you see a pair at the [[bar]] to your left, a pair at a [[table]], and a pair on the [[dance floor]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Walk to the tables.]]

“I think,” you say, bringing yourself to your full height and facing Tomi head-on, “that the time to talk about payment is right now.” Tomi’s eyebrows raise, but her expression is otherwise unchanged. “We have two agents inside this bar right now. I am absolutely not taking anything from you with agents inside this bar, therefore I am not receiving goods from you with agents inside this bar, therefore you are not getting paid until we get these agents out of this bar. What part of that, exactly, is unclear to you?” [[Force the issue.]] [[Ask about the plan.]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]]

“The part,” you say, raising your voice, “where you’re not giving me money.” Tomi looks above your head and nods, then Denise and Daniel—who you didn’t realize had come up behind you—each grab one of your upper arms and escort you all the way out of the bar. As they shove you into the night, Daniel of them thrusts a flashlight at you. “Turn your light on too,” he says, indicating the personal light around your neck. “Go home and sleep off whatever the fuck is wrong with you tonight.” Well. It looks like you’re not getting paid tonight after all. Looking around, you realize the two streetlamps on this road are out. You turn on both lights with you and hurry toward the well-lit road at the end of the street. You have reached the You’re Bad at This ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

What did Tomi say the agents looked like? Oh, right: “They’ve both got dark hair, one with long and one with short. One’s in red and black, the other’s in yellow and gray.”

You’ve identified a man and a woman sitting at the bar. The woman appears to be an Arab-American with a short black bob wearing a sharp red suit with a black dress shirt. She has gold dangly earrings and a gold upper-ear cartilage ring. The man is Hispanic with long, dark brown, wavy hair pulled back into a low ponytail wearing a gray suit with a yellow dress shirt. He wears black wire frame glasses.

You’ve identified a man and a woman sitting at a table. One has dark blond shoulder-length hair with a black dress shirt, the other has straight, long, black hair and is wearing a shiny silver top. They’re both seated, so you can’t see the color of their pants.

You’ve identified two women on the dance floor. One is a Black woman whose hair is styled in bantu knots wearing a form-fitting yellow dress and knee-length gray boots. She has a lip ring in the center of her bottom lip. The other is a Hispanic woman with long, brown, curly hair wearing a black blouse, red pants, and black heels. She has a septum ring with a silver ball on each end.

Marcel doesn’t stop you as you walk behind the bar and approach the pair sitting at the end—an Arab-American woman with a short black bob wearing a red suit with a black dress shirt, dangly gold earrings, and a gold upper ear cartilage ring sitting beside a Hispanic man with long dark brown wavy hair pulled back into a ponytail wearing a gray suit with a yellow dress shirt and black wire frame glasses. You lean over the bar and grin, your face almost uncomfortably close to them. They look at each other, then to you. [[“Nice night.”->Nice Night; Bar]] [[“I know who you are.”->I know who you are; Bar]] [[“Want to see a magic trick?”->Want to see a magic trick; Bar]]

(if: $dfloor is "true")[You start walking toward the dance floor, but the women you were speaking with have left.] (else:)[You walk out onto the dance floor toward the women you’ve identified—a Black woman with hair styled in bantu knots and a center lip ring dancing closely with a Hispanic woman with long curly brown hair and a septum ring. You loosen your movements to try to look more natural on the dance floor, then you lean in toward the couple and smile. [[“Nice night.”->Nice Night; Dance Floor]] [[“I know who you are.”->I know who you are; Dance Floor]] [[“Want to see a magic trick?”->Want to see a magic trick; Dance Floor]]]

(if: $table is "true")[You start walking toward the tables, but the man you were speaking with has left.] (else:)[You walk toward the table, but when you get there, you realize there’s only one person sitting at it—the man with the dark blond hair. You sit down across from him anyway, deciding it might actually be easier to collect them one at a time. [[“Nice night.”->Nice Night; Table]] [[“I know who you are.”->I know who you are; Table]] [[“Want to see a magic trick?”->Want to see a magic trick; Table]]]

You stand right in front of the two strangers. “Nice night!” you say, a little too loud, and flash your brightest smile. The pair look bewildered—you’ve caught them off guard. You take advantage of this by pressing on. “What’ll you have?” Just as they start to regain composure, Denise and Daniel appear, close enough that the strangers can’t ignore them. “Actually,” you say, “never mind all that. I think you should come with us instead.” [[Lead them outside.->Lead them outside; Bar]] [[Lead them to the back room.->Lead them to the back room; Bar]] [[Lead them to the dance floor.]]

“You know,” you say as you step in front of the two strangers, interrupting their conversation, “I know who you are.” “Oh, do you?” The man perks up, seemingly pleased to be recognized. Then his face falls. “Who told you we were coming?” “We don’t need to be told things like that,” you say, trying to sound intimidating as Denise and Daniel appear behind them. “But I think you know where we’re going next.” [[Lead them outside.->Lead them outside; Bar]] [[Lead them to the back room.->Lead them to the back room; Bar]] [[Lead them to the dance floor.]]

“Hello folks,” you say, leaning in with a smarmy smile. “Want to see a magic trick?” Before either of them can respond, Denise and Daniel show up behind them, and you continue, “The trick is that it’s time for you to go. No magic, sadly.” [[Lead them outside.->Lead them outside; Bar]] [[Lead them to the back room.->Lead them to the back room; Bar]] [[Lead them to the dance floor.]]

With the help of security, you lead the two strangers to the door. Denise shoots you a look—“this wasn’t the plan” spelled out clearly in her eyes—but you ignore it and open the door. “I think it’s time you left.” “We still have a lot of questions,” the woman says hurriedly. “And we need to meet with the owner.” “Don’t forget to turn on your personal lights!” you say, shoving them out the door. “This is going to reflect very poorly on you in our report!” the man shouts as you slam the door. “Tomi’s not gonna like this,” Daniel says. You shrug. “I handled it. It’s over. Let’s just move on.” As you wander to the back to tell Tomi what happened, you wonder vaguely about what kind of “report” they were talking about. You’ve reached the Taking Out the Trash ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

With Denise and Daniel close behind, you lead the two strangers to the back room, where Tomi paces, shaking her head as she reads something on her phone screen. She looks up when you walk in and puts the phone down on the table. You move to stand next to her, facing the strangers. Denise and Daniel stay very close behind them. “Well,” the woman finally says, “that certainly wasn’t as smooth as you seem to think.” “Yeah,” agrees the man. “We’re gonna have to mark you down for needing three people to escort the two of us back here. I mean, we would’ve come back if you’d just asked.” [[“Mark us down?”]] [[“Yeah, to arrest us.”]] [[Draw your gun.]]

You start to move away from the bar. At first, Denise and Daniel start leading the strangers to the back, but then you get a better idea. “Denise! Daniel! This way!” You jerk your head toward the dance floor, then make your way there without looking back. Once you reach the floor, the heat of a dozen bodies wash over you, the boom-boom-boom of the bass floods your system, the purple and blue lights make everything feel surreal. You turn back toward the strangers and grab one hand of each of them, pulling them toward you as you move smoothly, effortlessly to the beat. Their movements are stiff, awkward, halting. Denise and Daniel, behind the strangers, look at each other with concern as they stand unmoving amid the mass gyration. [[Keep dancing with the strangers.]] [[Dance with Denise and Daniel.]] [[Move further into the crowd and get lost in dancing.]]

“What do you mean, ‘mark us down’?” you ask. “Well, it’s a little out of the ordinary for security to escort what seem to be paying customers to the back room, wouldn’t you say?” The woman is writing something in a notebook as she says this. “Especially out of the blue like that.” “You shouldn’t stress about it or anything, though,” the man adds. “It’s a pretty small infraction. I mean, it’s not like you ran out of the back room yelling about the werewolf you bagged this afternoon.” [[“Infraction?”]] [[“It was a chupacabra.”]] [[“It’s a new moon right now.”]]

“Yeah, sure,” you say, making a face. “To arrest us.” “Arrest you?” says the woman, startled. “Do you think we’re cops?” “Aren’t you?” Tomi asks. The man makes a show of patting himself down. “Do we look armed to you?” “Why would agents not be armed?” you say. “Counterpoint,” says the woman, “why would regulatory agents be armed?” [[“Regulatory agents?”]] [[Look to Tomi for guidance.]] [[“Counter-COUNTER-point...”]]

You’re tired of listening to this. You draw your gun and point it at one of the agents. “Whoa!” you hear Tomi say beside you. “What are you doing?” “I’m bored,” you say, turning your head to look at Tomi. “Aren’t you bored? This was exciting when we thought we were gonna get in real trouble, but we’re getting, what, a citation? Not even that? Let’s just get them out of—” While you’re looking at Tomi, Denise comes up from behind and disarms you easily, bringing you quickly into a half nelson. Tomi is still looking at you, now shaking her head. “I don’t know what your problem is tonight, but you need to leave. I’ll be in touch.” Denise strongarms you to the door that leads to the bar, then lets go and shoves you through. You straighten up, brush off imaginary dust from your outfit, grab a flashlight from behind the bar, and head out the door, being sure to turn on the personal light around your neck. You have reached the That Was Unexpected ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“An infraction?” you ask, your voice rising in disbelief. “Look,” says Tomi, stepping forward, “I don’t really think you’re in a position to be talking about what we are and aren’t getting scolded for tonight. There are only two of you.” The strangers glance at each other, confused. “Sorry,” the man finally says, “are you threatening us?” “Because we would definitely have to mark you down for that. I mean, I don’t actually think that’s one of the official questions, but I feel like it’s probably implied?” She looks to her partner for confirmation. The man nods. “Yeah, I feel like ‘threatened regulatory agents’ would be a fair thing to put in the ‘additional comments’ box.” “Ohh yeah. That’s a good idea.” [[“Regulatory agents?”]] [[“Official questions?”->Ask about the evaluation.]] [[“We’ll do more than threaten!”]]

You laugh long and loud. Hunting down a werewolf? Now? When anyone with eyes can see that it’s a new moon outside? Ridiculous. “It was a chupacabra,” you say in your best “what an idiot” voice. When you look over and Tomi to watch her join you in mocking these fools, her face tells you this was not the correct response. Your laugh peters out, and you clear your throat. “Look,” says Tomi, stepping forward, “I don’t really think you’re in a position to be talking about what we are and aren’t getting scolded for tonight. There are only two of you.” The strangers glance at each other, confused. “Sorry,” the man finally says, “are you threatening us?” “Because we would definitely have to mark you down for that. I mean, I don’t actually think that’s one of the official questions, but I feel like it’s probably implied?” She looks to her partner for confirmation. The man nods. “Yeah, I feel like ‘threatened regulatory agents’ would be a fair thing to put in the ‘additional comments’ box.” “Ohh yeah. That’s a good idea.” [[“Regulatory agents?”]] [[“Official questions?”->Ask about the evaluation.]] [[“Why are you here?”]]

“We couldn’t have gotten a werewolf today,” you say, looking to Tomi for confirmation. “It’s a new moon right now.” Tomi closes her eyes and doesn’t look at you. You’re not sure how to read that, but you’re pretty sure you’re right about the calendar. “Sure,” the man in front of you says. “I more meant… I just meant it as a stand in for shouting about cryptids in general. That’s all.” “Look,” says Tomi, stepping forward, “I don’t really think you’re in a position to be talking about what we are and aren’t getting scolded for tonight. There are only two of you.” The strangers glance at each other, confused. “Sorry,” the man finally says, “are you threatening us?” “Because we would definitely have to mark you down for that,” the woman adds. “I mean, I don’t actually think that’s one of the official questions, but I feel like it’s probably implied?” She looks to her partner for confirmation. The man nods. “Yeah, I feel like ‘threatened regulatory agents’ would be a fair thing to put in the ‘additional comments’ box.” “Ohh yeah. That’s a good idea.” [[“Regulatory agents?”]] [[“Official questions?”->Ask about the evaluation.]] [[“Why are you here?”]]

“Regulatory agents?” you say, unable to keep the surprise from your voice. You look at Tomi, but she’s staring at the strangers, her face consumed with confusion. You turn back to them. “But aren’t you… I mean, aren’t you with the agency?” “Yeah. The regulatory agency. We’re just here for an evaluation. We don’t really have an official name or anything. Not yet. Although, Mateo, didn’t you say we should call ourselves—” “Yeah, the C-I-Ahhhh. Like secret agents, but then you scream at the end. Because, yanno, cryptids. I meant it more as a joke. Unless…” The woman smiles, rolls her eyes, and shakes her head. “Anyway,” she continues, “I’m Agent Umar, and this is Agent Garcia.” [[“We thought you were the other agency.”]] [[“So we’re not in trouble?”]] [[Ask about the evaluation.]]

“Oh yeah,” the woman says. “It’s a simple evaluation with just a few key questions, room for comments, that kind of thing. Standard stuff, you know. It’s basically the same kind of thing you’d see for any type of regulatory inspection.” [[Draw your gun.]] [[“So we’re not in trouble?”]] [[“So how did we do?”->“Let’s hear them.”]]

“Not to be rude,” you say, still not completely sure what’s happening, “but why are you here exactly?” “Oh!” says the man. “We’re here to conduct your evaluation.” [[“We thought you were the other agency.”]] [[“So we’re not in trouble?”]] [[“Evaluation?”->Ask about the evaluation.]]

“I didn’t know we had a regulatory agency. We thought you were the ‘hey, you better stop hunting and selling cryptids over there’ …agency.” “Ohh! No, that’s the other agency,” the man says. We call them, uh… I mean, I don’t think they have a name yet, either. We just call them the other agency.” “Yeah,” says the woman, “but when I look at it from your perspective, I can see how that wouldn’t really be clear. It makes sense for us, you know, because we’re in one of the agencies, but if you’re not in either, then you can’t really talk about the other one in the… same way…” She finally trails off and offers an awkward smile. [[“So we’re not in trouble?”]] [[“Is this a trick?”]] [[Ask about the evaluation.]]

“So… we’re not in any kind of trouble?” you ask hesitantly. “Oh gosh no,” says the man, looking down at his notebook. His face scrunches a bit as he reads his notes, and he continues, “Well, I mean, not for trading in cryptids, anyway. I do have some notes, though, for improving your cover.” He flips through his notes and says, “Well, first there’s going to be the new issue of… you know… threatening us. But other than that…” He flips a few more pages, slowly this time, speaking in a distracted voice as he goes. “Let’s see here… Ah yes, here are the rest of my notes. We’d love to discuss them with you.” [[“You’ll want to talk to Tomi.”]] [[“Let’s hear them.”]] [[Draw your gun.]]

You bring yourself up to your full height. You know they said some words after they asked if you were threatening them, but they probably weren’t important and you were very busy thinking of the right comeback to that threatening way they asked whether you were threatening them. You’re so fired up, you’re almost shouting. “We’ll do more than threaten you! We’ll make good on those threats! We’re dangerous!” “Can you shut up for even one second?” Tomi says, jumping in. Her voice is sharp. As you think on it, maybe you have been dominating the conversation a little bit. Hmm. The strangers exchange a glance. They both try to back up, but run into Denise and Daniel. “Y-y-you have definitely failed this inspection!” the man stammers. “Listen,” Tomi says, turning toward the strangers, her voice softer now. “I apologize for that. I assure you that my associate was just leaving, and I’m sure the three of us can have a civil discussion of what’s going on here.” She smiles warmly, and they seem to calm down. You couldn’t help but notice that when she said the words “just leaving” she looked you dead in the eyes. That was… probably a hint, right? You open your mouth to confirm, but before you can say anything, Tomi says, “Go.” Well. That’s pretty clear. You turn on your personal light and walk out of the back room. Then, grabbing a flashlight from behind the bar, you walk out into the night and head home. You have reached the Relieved of Duty ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

This is weird. It’s weird, right? You look to Tomi. She seems to think it’s weird. Maybe you should let her work on this problem for a while. She’s the boss, after all. You decide to shut up and see what happens. “What do you mean ‘regulatory agents’?” she says, and you feel like you maybe could have thought of that. “Think of it this way,” the woman says. “It’s like we’re health inspectors, but instead of checking how sanitary your business is, we’re checking to see how well you’re keeping the whole cryptid thing quiet while managing your business—your real business. It’s just an evaluation.” [[“We thought you were the other agency.”]] [[“So we’re not in trouble?”]] [[Ask about the evaluation.]]

“Counter-COUNTER-point,” you say, taking a step forward, “why would regulatory agents for cryptids even be a thing?” “Counter-counter-COUNTER-point,” the man says, taking a step forward and raising his voice, “because it’s important to some of us that this ‘everyone-knows-but-nobody-knows’ secret stays exactly that, so we were hoping you would just work nicely with us and not be condescending jerks about it!” “Counter-counter-counter-COUNTER-point—” You and the regulatory agents stay locked in this frankly childish back and forth until everyone else in the room gets bored and leaves. Tomi tries unsuccessfully to jump in a few times, but you are laser-focused on being right, goddammit. Nothing else useful gets done this evening. You have reached the Counter-Counter-Counter-Counter-Counter- ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You narrow your eyes. “Is this a trick?” you ask. “A trick?” The woman looks confused. “No. We’re not really in the business of tricking people. Just regulating!” [[“So we’re not in trouble?”]] [[Ask about the evaluation.]] [[“That’s exactly what a trickster would say.”]]

You keep your eyes trained on the strangers and tell them, “That’s exactly what a trickster would say.” “Maybe it’s time you were quiet for a while,” Tomi suggests. You choose not to take the suggestion, but you appreciate her input. You decide to trust this isn’t a trick. For now. [[“So we’re not in trouble?”]] [[Ask about the evaluation.]] [[“Why are you here?”]]

No reason why you should have to drown in bureaucracy. “Ah,” you say, stepping aside. “You’ll want to speak with Tomi about all that. She is the owner of this fine establishment and in fact the head of our group. I wouldn’t want to step on her very capable hands… or… however that goes.” You get closer to the door with every word that leaves your mouth. Tomi is giving you a look that could melt steel. You give her a thumbs up and say, “We’ll settle up our business later, bye!” You leave the back room, grab a flashlight from behind the bar, and run outside. You’ve reached the Dodge the Drudgery ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“Okay,” you say, “what are your notes?” “Well,” the man says, looking down at his notebook, “we noticed you set up a date a cover for your visit to the bar, which is a great idea in theory—but at some point, you’re still gonna need to go into the back room, right? So it seems kind of… pointless? I mean, what do you really achieve with a date as a ‘cover’? You’re just running the risk of getting the date in trouble, too.” “Unless,” the woman interjects with a smirk, “you’re so late that the date leaves.” “Yeah, true.” The man smiles at his partner, then continues, “Anyway, that’s not really a violation. Just something to think about.” [[“Is that all?”]] [[“We’re not changing anything.”]] [[Draw your gun.]]

“Okay,” you say, considering. “That’s… a good note, actually. I’ll keep that in mind next time. Is there anything else?” “Hmm… well, we mentioned the overkill on bringing us back here, but otherwise no, that should be it! You seem to have a pretty solid operation here! Just do your best to keep everything quiet, like usual. No undue attention. That sort of thing.” He closes his notebook, looks up to meet your eyes, and smiles. [[Thank them and show them out.]] [[“We’re not changing anything.”]] [[Draw your gun.]]

“Yeah,” you say, “we’re not changing anything.” “Excuse me?” says the man. “We’re not gonna be pushed around by some agency that doesn’t even have a real name. How do I even know you’re any kind of agency at all? You could have just walked in off the street and decided to start telling us what we can and can’t do. I’ve never even heard of a regulatory agency for this stuff.” “You haven’t heard of us because we’re good at our jobs,” the man says, beaming. “Oh!” says the woman, feeling her pockets. “Hold on, we have badges.” [[“Show me the badges.”]] [[“How big is your agency?”]] [[Draw your gun.]]

With everything settled, you thank the agents for their time. Everyone shakes hands, and you show them out—after ensuring they each have a personal light and a flashlight, of course. That went extremely well. Now that that’s settled, you and Tomi can get back to business—you still have the wendigo hunt to plan. As you turn and head toward the back room, you feel like you’ve made all the right choices this evening, and you feel pretty good about that. Still... you wonder what might’ve happened if you’d done a few things differently. Who else might you have met? What kind of evening might you have had? Where else might you be right now? You have reached the That Went Smoothly ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“Ooo, badges huh?” you say. “Let’s see them!” The agents excitedly present badges of engraved plastic that each show the holder’s name—Safiya Umar and Mateo Garcia, respectively—and, beneath that, the words “Regulatory Agent.” The agents look very proud. [[“How big is your agency?”]] [[Draw your gun.]] [[Thank them and show them out.]]

“How big is your agency?” you ask. “Oh! Well, I mean, I’m not sure about exact numbers,” the woman says. “As I’m sure you know, we can’t really have too many people because that would sort of, you know, defeat the point.” “So really small, then?” you ask. “Just the two of you?” “No!” says the man. “We also have a boss!” [[Thank them and show them out.]] [[Are you hiring?]] [[Draw your gun.]]

You ignore any signals Denise and Daniel are trying to give you as you move to the music, not letting go of the two strangers. You’re not entirely sure what’s come over you, but this just feels like the right thing to do. After some time passes, Denise and Daniel return—you hadn’t realized they’d left—with Tomi in tow. You’re about the greet her when she grabs the front of your shirt and shakes you hard. “What are you doing?” You blink, suddenly unsure of the answer. What were you doing? Dancing? Right now? What a strange decision. Tomi leans into you so you—but only you—can hear her. “I expect all of you in the back in two minutes.” With that, she’s gone. [[Lead them to the back room.->Lead them to the back room; Bar]] [[Lead them outside.->Lead them outside; Bar]] [[Move further into the crowd and get lost in dancing.]]

Denise and Daniel really do not seem to be getting into the spirit of the dance floor. You relinquish the strangers and start grabbing instead for these two. You move and twist while holding onto both of them, but they only barely move at all. Finally, they look at each other, then each grab you by either tricep, lifting you up and carrying you away from the crowd. You turn your head and see that the agents are following close behind. That’s nice. [[Let them take you.]] [[Kick and scream until they drop you.]] [[Ask to be put down.]]

You decide to abandon everything and slip into the crowd. You’re tired of everything—dates and secrets and botched jobs and injuries. What if… you just let all of that other stuff melt away? What if you just let yourself get lost in the music? They’ll look for you in the crowd, and you know that. Eventually they’ll find you… unless you let yourself be lost. You let everything but the music fall away, and you make a decision: You’re retired. You’ve reached the Retirement ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You let yourself dangle between Denise and Daniel on the way to the back room. It’s kind of fun, though you’re starting to lose feeling in your fingers. They set you down in front of the door so you can walk in by yourself, but they don’t let go of your arms. [[Walk into the back room.]] [[Fight your way free.]] [[Bring your knees to your chest.]]

Everything feels weird, and you’re not entirely sure why you’re being pseudo-airlifted by a couple of brutes, but you are not into it. You let out a scream that rises above the music and turns head from all over the club, and—frankly—kills the vibe. You kick with all your might, at first connecting with nothing, but then catching Daniel hard in the kneecap as your right foot swings back. They both finally let go, and you collapse to the floor in a heap before recovering and getting to your feet. [[“Okay, NOW let’s go to the back room.”->Walk into the back room.]] [[Run out the front door.]] [[Run through the door into the back room.]]

It’s fun being carried like this at first, but as you come back to yourself, you realize this is an embarrassing way to travel. “Excuse me,” you say, “you can put me down now. Sorry about that.” They look at each other and seem to share an unspoken conversation, then they set you down—though they don’t let go of your arms. [[Walk into the back room.]] [[Fight your way free.]] [[Bring your knees to your chest.]]

With Denise and Daniel still holding your arms, you all walk to the back room, where Tomi paces, shaking her head as she reads something on her phone screen. She looks up when you walk in and puts the phone down on the table, raising her eyebrow as she sees your current state. Denise and Daniel finally put you down, and you stand next to Tomi, facing the strangers. Denise and Daniel stay very close behind them. “That was quite a show,” the woman finally says. “It certainly drew a lot of attention, which we usually try to avoid.” “On the other hand,” says the man, “the ‘extremely drunk’ act might have helped smooth that over.” The woman considers this a moment. “Good point, actually. We may not need to mark them down for it after all. Although, we would have come back if you’d just asked.” [[“Mark us down?”]] [[“Yeah, to arrest us.”]] [[Draw your gun.]]

You struggle out of their grasp, waving your arms and fighting against them until they can’t hold onto you anymore. Once you’re free, you look at them. [[“Okay, now we can go in.”->Head to the back room.]] [[Run out the front door.]] [[Run through the door into the back room.]]

You don’t want to walk into the back room with security on your arms like you’re an uncontrollable child. Instead, you bring your knees to your chest, hoping to surprise them into dropping you. They are, however, holding tight onto your upper arms, so you just look like… well, a child hanging between your parents. Probably not what you were going for. You put your feet down and let them lead you into the back room, where they finally let you go. Tomi looks up from her phone and raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. You stand next to her, and Denise and Daniel stay very close behind the strangers, even though they walked in here voluntarily. “That was quite a show,” the woman says. “It certainly drew a lot of attention, which we usually try to avoid.” “On the other hand,” says the man, “the ‘extremely drunk’ act might have helped smooth that over.” The woman considers this a moment. “Good point, actually. We may not need to mark them down for it after all. Although, we would have come back if you’d just asked.” [[“Mark us down?”]] [[“Yeah, to arrest us.”]] [[Draw your gun.]]

You dodge past all four of them before they can react, and just like that, you’re out the door. They wouldn’t dare follow you. It’s dangerous out here. Wait… it’s dangerous out here! The streetlamps are burnt out, and there’s nothing but inky blackness all around you. You can’t see them. But they can see you. You hear them approach, and as you do, you remember your personal light, but it’s too late. You hear scuffling, then howling, then your own screaming. Then nothing. You have reached the Didn’t You Read the Notices? ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You rush through the swinging door at top speed and run straight into Tomi, who was reading something on her phone and didn’t have time to react to a human projectile. “What the fuck,” she screams as you both scramble on the ground. “Get the fuck off me.” You both manage to disentangle and stand up again, though you’re a bit worried Tomi’s glare might actually kill you. “Well,” one of the strangers, the woman, finally says, “that certainly wasn’t as smooth as you seem to think.” “Yeah,” says the man. “We’re gonna have to mark you down for needing three people to escort the two of us back here. I mean, we would’ve come back if you’d just asked.” [[“Mark us down?”]] [[“Yeah, to arrest us.”]] [[Draw your gun.]]

(set: $dfloor to "true") “Nice night,” you say, a little too loud, and flash your brightest smile. The pair look bewildered—you’ve caught them off guard. “May I have this dance?” They still look confused and are shooting each other that “do you know this person?” look. One of them starts to say, “Sorry, but who—” when Denise and Daniel come up behind them. “Actually,” you interrupt, “now that I think about it, maybe you should come with us.” [[Lead them outside.->Lead them outside; Dance Floor]] [[Lead them to the back room.->Lead them to the back room; Dance Floor]] [[Ask the one who spoke to finish her sentence.]]

(set: $dfloor to "true") “You know,” you say as you step uncomfortably close to the two strangers, “I know who you are.” “Who the fuck are you?” asks the one with the lip ring. “That’s a really creepy way to introduce yourself,” the woman beside her says. Denise and Daniel appear behind them just then, but you’re a bit thrown. You struggle to respond, then make your decision. [[Lead them outside.->Lead them outside; Dance Floor]] [[Lead them to the back room.->Lead them to the back room; Dance Floor]] [[You know who I am.]]

(set: $dfloor to "true") “Hello ladies,” you say, leaning in with a smarmy smile. “Want to see a magic trick?” One gets out, “Who are—” before Denise and Daniel show up behind them and you cut her off. “The trick is that it’s time for you to go. No magic, sadly.” [[Lead them outside.->Lead them outside; Dance Floor]] [[Lead them to the back room.->Lead them to the back room; Dance Floor]] [[Ask the one who spoke to finish her sentence.]]

(set: $table to "true") You lean in over the table to make sure the man can hear you. “Nice night,” you say and flash your brightest smile. He looks bewildered—you’ve caught him off guard, but he recovers quickly. He flashes his own over-enthusiastic smile. “Ah!” he says. “You must be a fan! Great to meet you!” He reaches his hand across the table. Confused, you reach out and take it. Before you can say anything, Denise and Daniel appear beside the table. “So, were you hoping for an autograph?” [[Lead him outside.]] [[Lead him to the back room.]] [[“Autograph?”]]

(set: $table to "true") “You know,” you say as you lean in to be heard, “I know who you are.” “Oh, great!” says the man sitting across from you. “It’s always so good to meet a fan! Have you been following long?” You’re momentarily struck silent. This is not going the way you expected. Just as you’re about to recover your speech, Denise and Daniel appear at the table. [[Lead him outside.]] [[Lead him to the back room.]] [[“Following?”]]

(set: $table to "true") “Hello,” you say, leaning in with a smarmy smile. “Want to see a magic trick?” He looks at you confused, then his face brightens. He laughs and says, “Well, that’s one way to ask for an autograph!” Just as he gets those words out, Denise and Daniel appear behind him, so you finish your practiced intro: “The trick is that it’s time for you to go. No magic, sadly.” [[Lead him outside.]] [[Lead him to the back room.]] [[“Autograph?”]]

“Look,” you say, “enough being coy. I know who you are, and you need to leave.” You start walking toward the door as Denise and Daniel direct the women behind you. “Hey!” one yells. “Who the hell do you think we are, anyway?” [[“Agents.”]] [[“I was looking for someone else.”]] [[“Drop the act.”]]

“Our boss wants a word with the two of you,” you say. “If you would just make this simple and come voluntarily.” “Who is your boss?” one of the women asks. You’re not sure whether to answer this out in the open. As you’re thinking of an appropriate response, Denise says, “She owns the bar.” You nod in agreement. Right. You could have said that. “So what does she want with us?” the other woman asks. “Just to talk,” you assure her as you, Denise, and Daniel lead them toward the door. The ladies look skeptical, but they go with you. Once you’re all through the door, Tomi walks back in from the storage area and stares as the women you’ve retrieved. After a long moment, she says, “And just who exactly is this?” [[“These are the agents.”]] [[“Did you forget the plan?”]] [[“Oh no…”]]

“Wait,” you say, processing what you thought you heard. “What did you say?” “I said, ‘Who are you?’” “Don’t you know?” This exchange is not going the way you’d imagined it. “Do you not?” “What are you,” the one with the long hair asks, “some kind of ‘influencer’?” “Ah geeze,” says the first, “you’re probably right, Cinda.” Then, turning back to you, “Are you with that jackass over there?” You don’t think you’re here with a jackass, so an absent “no” escapes your mouth as you stare at the two women, confused. [[“I was looking for someone else.”]] [[“Weren’t you following me?”]] [[Stare in silence.]]

Your eyes narrow. “You know who I am,” “We really don’t,” says the one with lip ring. “The ego on this one, Gabby,” says the other. “Look, why don’t you run along now.” [[Run along.->“I was looking for someone else.”]] [[“You’re here for me.”]] [[“Weren’t you following me?”]]

“Well,” you say, as Denise and Daniel close in on him, “I think it’s time you left.” You look around. “Where’s your partner?” “What partner?” “I saw you sitting here with a partner earlier.” “Nope. I’m here alone. You might have seen one of my fans.” [[“Fans?”]] [[“Where is that fan now?”]] [[“Agents have fans?”]]

You smile sweetly. “I hate to interrupt your evening,” you say as Denise and Daniel close in on him, but our boss would like a chat with you.” You look around. “Where’s your partner?” “What partner?” “I saw you sitting here with a partner earlier.” “Nope. You might have seen one of my fans, but I’m here alone.” [[“Fans?”]] [[“Where is that fan now?”]] [[“Agents have fans?”]]

You shake your head quickly, as though coming out of a daze. “Following?” you say. “I certainly haven’t been following you.” His face darkens. “Oh, I get it. So you’re a hater and you came here to dump your haterade all over me? Well, I’ve got news for you—” at this, he points his phone directly at you. “Hey, what’s up everyone! This is Trevor, coming at you with My Perspec-Trev, and I’m live at our local bar! This hater sitting across from me just came to my table to—” [[Cover your face and try to explain.]] [[Leave the table.]] [[Ham it up for the camera.]]

You flinch, startled. This is already not going the way you were expecting. “An autograph.” You mean it as a question, but you don’t say it as a question, so the man before you takes this as affirmation. “Great!” he says with a voice made for infomercials. “What would you like me to sign?” [[Hand him a napkin.]] [[Search your coat pockets for paper.]] [[Ask who he is.]]

You duck your head down and throw your hands over your face. “I’m not a hater!” you shout at the table. “I’m not! I just want to talk!” “You can talk on camera. So far we’re at 500 concurrent viewers and growing!” “I think… I think I might have the wrong table. I don’t actually know who you are. I thought you followed me here, then you said I was following you, and it just…I think we got our wires crossed.” [[Leave the table.]] [[Ask him to turn off the camera.]] [[Wait in silence.]]

You’ve overstayed your welcome, and you need to leave this table. Without bothering to look back, you stand up and move away quickly, not even checking to make sure Denise and Daniel are behind you. You hope they are. You still need to find those [[agents]]. From here, you can see the pair at the [[bar]] and the pair on the [[dance floor]]. [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

The sight of the camera awakens something in you. Suddenly, you find yourself flexing and posing for the camera as though on your own private photo shoot. The influencer across from you is briefly struck silent, watching you with a mix of amusement and confusion. Just as you’re really starting to get into it, you feel a tug on your arm. You mean to ignore it, but quickly realize it’s not optional. Daniel has grabbed one upper arm and Denise has grabbed the other, and you are now largely in the air, your feet touching the ground just enough to drag across the dance floor as they carry you toward the front of the room. “What is wrong with you?” Daniel mutters. It’s probably time to find the right people. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

“Do you think you could turn the camera off, please? I don’t want them to find me.” He makes a quick sign off. “Thanks everyone for watching, remember to like, comment, and subscribe!” Though your face is still covered, you hear him set the phone down. When you look up, you see he is looking at you with concern. “Someone is following you?” he asks. He looks up at Denise and Daniel, then leans across the table and tilts his head their way. “Is it them?” “No. No, it’s fine, I just don’t need to be broadcast.” You make your way out of the booth. “Anyway, sorry for the trouble. I absolutely have the wrong table. Have a good evening.” [[Leave the table to find the agents.->Leave the table.]] [[Leave the table to dance.]] [[Slide down to the floor as though you’ve melted.]]

After making your explanations, you wait quietly, hoping the situation will defuse itself. “All right, looks like that’s it for now! Remember to like this video, comment, and subscribe! Trev out!” Though your face is still covered, you hear him set the phone down. You look up to find him looking at you. When he speaks next, he sounds completely different, and it takes a moment to realize this is his normal speaking voice. “Someone’s following you?” He looks up at Denise and Daniel. “Is it them?” You shake your head. “No. Sorry, follow isn’t even really the right word. And actually, now I’m certain I have the wrong table.” [[Leave the table.]] [[Invite Denise and Daniel to sit down.]] [[Slide down to the floor as though you’ve melted.]]

“Although,” you say, deciding to make the best of it, “as long as we’re here now, we may as well all get to know each other! Denise! Daniel! Come sit down!” Denise and Daniel look at each other, then back at you. Denise shakes her head slightly while Daniel gives you a meaningful look. You look over at your new friend in the booth, but realize this new friend isn’t exactly looking friendly. It seems that nobody wants you to stay at this table. Well, fine then. [[Leave the table to find the agents.->Leave the table.]] [[Leave the table to dance.]] [[Slide down to the floor as though you’ve melted.]]

You relax your body, making your legs heavy and letting your ass slide down off the chair, followed by your back and neck and head, until your whole body has collected on the floor beside the table. From down here, you see Denise and Daniel exchange a bewildered look. You can’t see the guy’s face, but based on the fact that his chair has moved backward, you suspect he is likewise perplexed by the choice you’ve made. [[Slither out the door like a snake.]] [[Stand up and get back to business.]] [[Flop around on the ground like a dying fish.]]

It’s clear you’ve overstayed your welcome in this particular part of the bar, but you’re not really in the mood to find those agents right now anyway. The music is so absorbing and the lights are so hypnotic, and before you realize what you’re doing, you’re moving out, further and further into the crowd, away from your world, your responsibility. From what sounds like another world, you hear Denise and Daniel call to you. [[Return to your world and answer the summons.]] [[Try to dance with Denise and Daniel.]] [[Move further into the crowd and get lost in dancing.]]

You sigh a heavy sigh and slink back over to where Denise and Daniel are standing. They both look at you like they’re unsure what has come over you. You force a smile and say, “Sorry, you’re right. Back to finding those [[agents]].” You look around and see the pair at the [[bar]] and the pair on the [[dance floor]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

Upon hearing them call your name, you return to Denise and Daniel all smiles and try to coax them into a dance. They stand completely still, two hulking obelisks amid a sea of movement. It really harshes your mellow, and you come back to yourself. “Fiiiiine,” you say, looking around the room for the [[agents]]. You see the pair at the [[bar]] and the pair on the [[dance floor]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

You eyes search the table and land on the napkin dispenser. That’ll probably do. You reach out, take one, and put it in front of him. He signs it and hands it back to you with a reverence you’ve never seen given to a napkin. “Thank you,” you mutter, sticking the napkin in a coat pocket. [[Ask who he is.]] [[Leave the table.]] [[Slide down to the floor as though you’ve melted.]]

Your hands begin patting down your coat pockets. Do you even have any paper on you? Finally, you hear a faint rustle as you pat one of the pockets. You reach inside and find your receipt from lunch. That should work. You don’t actually know who this guy is anyway. You put it down on the table, blank side up, and slide it over. He signs it and hands it back reverently, as though this were a priceless relic and not simply a document recording the sale of goods. “Thank you,” you say, trying to sound sincere as you slip the receipt—uh, autograph—back into the pocket you’d pulled it from. [[Ask who he is.]] [[Leave the table.]] [[Slide down to the floor as though you’ve melted.]]

“Super quick question,” you say, trying to sound casual. “Who exactly are you?” His face falls for a moment, then picks right back up. “Ah, ya got me! You almost had me!” He gets up, sits next to you, throws an arm over your shoulder as he holds his phone up. His blinding smile and your confused look of discomfort both stare down from the small screen above. He clicks the button, then goes back to his seat and says, “I’ll upload this right now and you can download it from my ’gram whenever.” [[Leave the table.]] [[Ask him not to upload the picture.]] [[Ask again who he is.]]

“Excuse me,” you say. “Please don’t upload that photo.” His eyes go wide. “Not upload it?” “Yeah,” you continue, “I try to keep pictures of myself off the internet. Some, ah… people have been… following me. I’d actually really prefer if you deleted it.” He leans in close, his face very serious. “Are you in trouble? Do you need my help? And can I live vlog it?” You offer a weak smile. “I’ll be fine, just don’t upload it please.” “Consider it gone!” he says with a hero’s smile. [[Leave the table.]] [[Ask again who he is.]] [[Slide down to the floor as though you’ve melted.]]

“Thanks,” you say, “but also—I really don’t know who you are. I thought you were someone I knew, but it turns out I got you mixed up with someone else.” His face falls and this time it stays fallen. “Oh—sorry,” he’s speaking quickly now, “I didn’t mean to assume, it’s just that I get a lot of fans coming up to me, so I did assume. Sorry for the misunderstanding.” [[“No, no, it’s okay.”]] [[“So who are you?”]] [[Leave the table.]]

“No, it’s okay!” you say. “I get it, don’t worry about it.” “No, I’m—I mean, thank you, but I really am sorry. I’ve really been working on myself, you know, and I just—” “It’s really okay!” you say. “I just don’t want to come off like a jerk.” [[Apologize back.]] [[Excuse yourself and leave the table.]] [[“So who are you?”]]

“No, I understand. That makes sense,” you say. After a brief pause, you continue, “So, I wasn’t actually saying that make you feel bad. I was really trying to ask who you are.” “Oh! Right! Well, my name is Trevor, and my YouTube channel is called ‘My Perspec-Trev.’” He shoots you some finger guns and winks as he says it. “Oh,” you say, piecing everything together, “that makes sense, actually. Thank you!” [[Excuse yourself and leave the table.]] [[Slide down to the floor as though you’ve melted.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

“No, you didn’t,” you say. “I’m sorry I sat down at the wrong table!” “That’s totally fine! It was just a mix-up, I completely understand! I’m sorry I assumed you wanted a photo.” “No, I get it. Actually, I’m sorry if I was rude about the way I—” And so the two of you continue on into the night, stuck in an infinite loop from which there is no escape. Denise and Daniel grieve for you as they walk away from the table with no choice but to leave you to your fate. You have reached the Apology Loop ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“Well, it’s been very nice talking to you, but I really need to go find the person I was actually looking for.” You stand up. “No problem!” says Trevor. “Nice talking to you.” You look around the bar, ready to find the [[agents]]. You see the pair by the [[bar]] and the pair on the [[dance floor]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

“What do you mean, ‘one of your fans’?” you ask. “I come out alone so I can meet my fans. It makes them feel like they can approach me. I’ve had four or five come by just this evening.” [[“Who are you?”]] [[“I think we have the wrong table.”]] [[“Agents have fans?”]]

“Okay, fine, where is your ‘fan’ now?” “Which one? Several have come over to say hi tonight. That’s why I come alone—so I can meet them.” He looks around at the other tables and grins. “Smile,” he says. You turn and realize a handful of phone cameras are turned in your direction. [[“Who are you?”->Ask who he is.]] [[“I think we have the wrong table.”]] [[Reignite your thespian passions.]]

Now you’re confused. “Agents have fans?” you ask. Huh, maybe you went into the wrong side of this business after all. “What? I’m not an agent, I’m the talent.” “The talent?” you ask, trying to fit what that could mean into the context of what you’re talking about. “Oh!” you finally say. “No, not… not that kind of agent.” [[“I think we have the wrong table.”]] [[“Who are you?”]] [[Slide down to the floor as though you’ve melted.]]

“I think,” you say, thinking this through, “that we actually have the wrong table.” “Yeah,” he scoffs. “I bet.” You stand up and walk away, looking for the [[agents]]. There is still a pair at the [[bar]] and a pair on the [[dance floor]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

So many cameras… and all of them pointing at YOU! This was your childhood dream, long given up. But now, with an audience just sitting, waiting to see what you’ll do, it springs out of you almost without warning. “BUT SOFT!” you shout, reaching up toward an invisible balcony. “WHAT LIGHT THROUGH YONDER WINDOW BREAKS! IT IS THE EAST! AND JULIET—” Here, you drop to your knees and clutch your chest, as though you’ve been shot, which many a critic has told you “doesn’t make sense” for this scene, but what do people with experience know anyway? “—IS THE SUN!” With that, you fall down on the floor, dramatically, as though dead, and wait for the thundering applause. The music must be drowning it out. That’s okay. You know it’s there. You’ve recaptured your passion for ACTING! Never mind all this cryptid nonsense—you have a duty to the people. You get up, turn on your personal light, grab a flashlight from behind the bar, and head home to start setting up your new life. You have reached the Good Luck with That ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“Okay,” you say, still processing. “Then… who are you?” He scoffs like you couldn’t be dumber. “I’m Trevor Dilan,” he says, then waits. When you don’t immediately respond, he continues, “My YouTube channel is ‘My Perspec-Trev.’” You look to Denise and Daniel. They both shrug. You turn back and say, “What… does that mean?” He rolls his eyes. “I’m an influencer,” he says. He flashes a big, smug smile, and adds with a wink and a thumbs up, “Remember to like, comment, and subscribe!” [[“I think we have the wrong table.”]] [[“So you’re not… anything else?”]] [[Suddenly remember that you love his YouTube channel.]]

“Oh,” you say, realizing that you might have the wrong table. “So you’re not… anything else?” It looks like you accidentally struck a nerve, because he raises his voice and says, “YouTube is work. Making videos takes work, editing videos takes work, I have to do the whole business side of this myself, did you ever think about that? Do you know how much time that takes? Why does no one understand that? This is a full-time goddamn job—” “Whoa,” you say. “No, I completely believe you. I meant… sorry, I’m actually looking for someone else. I didn’t mean… anything. I will… go look for the correct person now.” You get up, apologizing again, and look out into the crowd for the [[agents]]. You see a pair on the [[dance floor]] and a pair at the [[bar]]. [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

Your eyes go wide as his voice suddenly registers and you remember that not only have you seen his channel, you LOVE his channel! You’ve seen every single video he has ever posted, and now, as this realization floods into your mind, you tell him so. He grins a smug grin. “Always good to meet a fan,” he says in an easy, practiced voice, but you barely even hear it because you can’t stop gushing. Denise and Daniel try to get your attention a few times, and eventually Trevor tries to drop a few hints that you can probably go somewhere else now, but you don’t pick any of that up, because you’re very busy explaining to him how that one video that he did maybe two years ago where he ran up and down the aisles of a grocery store screaming just to see if anyone would stop him absolutely changed your life. This goes on for the rest of the night, until the bar finally closes and Trevor finally leaves. You try to leave with him, but he assures you—several times—that he’s good actually. You have reached the Starstruck ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“I was…” You take a few steps back and cast a glance at Denise and Daniel. “Sorry, I guess I was looking for someone else.” You step away from the two women and scan the room for the [[agents]]. You see a pair at the [[bar]] and a pair at a [[table]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

“Wait,” you say, coming back to yourself, “weren’t you following me?” “Following you?!” scoffs the one with the lip ring. “I knew it!” shouts the other. “I have no idea who you are,” the first woman continues, “or even which platform you’re on. So no, we aren’t following you.” “Also, maybe don’t stalk your followers in real life. Just an idea.” You’re confused again. Then you realize what happened. “No,” you say, “not on social media. No, I mean, someone is following me. In real life. I thought it was you, but…” “Oh. Oh!” They look at each other. “Oh, no, we’re not following you.” The two women are suddenly flanking you protectively. “Are you okay?” asks the long-haired woman. “Do you need help?” asks the other. “No, no. I mean, yes. I mean: yes, I’m okay, but no, I don’t need help. Thank you, though.” You move away from them, tossing another smile of gratitude their way before you get back to looking for the [[agents]]. You see a pair at the [[bar]] and a pair at a [[table]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

You’re confused, so you just stare absently at the two of them, trying to figure out what’s going on. “Okay, so… you can leave now,” the woman with the lip ring says. Both women are staring at you now, waiting for you to go. You’re… you’re pretty sure these are not actually the people you’re looking for, actually, so you mumble an apology and walk away. Now you focus your attention on finding the [[agents]]. You see a pair at a [[table]] and a pair at the [[bar]]. [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

You go from confused to angry. “Look,” you say, “I know you’re here to see me. So here I am. What do you want from me?” They look at each other. “Listen,” says the one with the lip ring. “I don’t know what your deal is, but either you’ve got the wrong people or your ego could sink a ship.” [[“I’ve got the wrong person.”->“I was looking for someone else.”]] [[“My ego could sink a ship.”]] [[“I’m a cryptid hunter.”]]

You step forward, aggressive now. “Well, then just call me an iceberg, because I know you’re who I’m looking for.” In one smooth motion, the long-haired woman pulls a small can from her purse and sprays a fine mist into your face. You shut your eyes against the sudden pain and your hands reach up to cover your face. The voices of the two women get farther away. Are they leaving? You start to wonder if maybe you had the wrong pair after all. Hands are taking hold of your arms, and you start to squirm away, but you hear Denise’s voice. “It’s us.” Then Daniel, on the other side of you, says, “We’re taking you to the back to treat your eyes.” You relax, walking where you’re guided. This is going to be a long night. You have reached the Take It Down a Notch ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“You don’t know what my deal is?” you say, incredulous. “I’m a cryptid hunter, and you know that!” Although, now that you say it out loud and see their reactions, you realize that perhaps they didn’t and are in fact not who you’re actually looking for. You take a step back and hear one of them mutter, “What the fuck?” “Uh… JUST KIDDING! Ha… ha…” You say it much too loud, then turn around quickly and try to look natural as you quickly scurry away from them through the crowd. You need to get back to looking for the [[agents]] anyway. You see the pair at the [[bar]] and the pair at the [[table]]. [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

“Who do I think you are,” you repeat back in a low, mocking tone. “You’re agents. Who else would you be?” “Agents?” both women say in unison. “You mean like the CIA?” asks one. “Or the FBI?” asks the other. “What?” Now you’re confused. “No, of course not, you’re—” You almost finish your sentence, but then you’re struck with sudden doubt. What if they aren’t who you think they are? There could be… consequences… if you’re wrong. [[“I was looking for someone else.”]] [[“You’re cryptid agents.”]] [[“You know who you are.”]]

“Drop the act,” you say, raising your voice without meaning to. “You know damn well who you are, and I’m not gonna stand here and listen while you try to trick me.” Both women take a step back and look at each other. Then the one with the lip ring takes a step forward and slowly reaches a hand out to touch your arm. “Honey,” she says, her voice suddenly gentle, “listen, do you need some assistance? We can call someone for you if that would help.” “Do you want some water?” the other woman asks. “I can go get you some water.” It doesn’t… feel like they’re who you thought they were. And actually, now that you think about it, you are pretty parched. You nod, and she turns to the bar, returning with a glass of water a moment later. You thank her, drinking the glass in one long gulp. Wow, you really were thirsty. Why were you over here harassing these nice women? They’re obviously not who you were looking for. You thank them again, then make your apologies and set the glass down on a nearby empty table before turning to find the [[agents]]. You see the pair at the [[bar]] and the pair at a [[table]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

“You know damn well that you’re cryptid agents!” you say, incredulous. Although, now that you say it out loud and see their reactions, you realize that perhaps they didn’t and are in fact not who you’re looking for. You take a step back and hear one of them mutter, “What the fuck?” “Uh… JUST KIDDING! Ha… ha…” You say it much too loud, then turn around quickly and try to look natural as you quickly scurry away from them through the crowd. You need to get back to looking for the [[agents]] anyway. You see the pair at the [[bar]] and the pair at the [[table]]. [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

“Listen,” you say, frustrated. “You know who you are. You don’t need me to tell you who you are.” The long-haired woman looks to her partner and says, “That’s a good question, actually.” “I was just thinking that,” says the other woman. “Do any of us really know who we are?” “Exactly! Now, I still maintain that no one needs someone else interjecting who they think you are—” she shoots a look to you with this, then goes back to her partner, “—but is it ever possible to really know yourself?” These two continue in a deep philosophical discussion as though you aren’t standing there, and you decide they’re probably not who you’re looking for. The conversation is pretty interesting, so you listen in for a little while, but then decide to go find the [[agents]]. You see the pair at the [[table]] and the pair at the [[bar]]. [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

“These are the agents you told us to find,” you say, confused. “They most certainly are not,” Tomi says through a mask of incredulity. “Ladies, I’m sorry about the confusion. You’re free to go and your entire tab for the evening is on the house. Tell Marcel at the bar that Tomi said it was fine.” The women thank her, then quickly leave—presumably to seek out Marcel. Tomi levels her gaze at you. “Just… do better next time,” she says with a shake of her head. She turns and head back into the storage area. You walk out of the back room to look for the [[agents]]. You see the pair at the [[bar]] and the pair at a [[table]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

Tomi’s dark eyes flare, but her voice remains steady. “I have not forgotten the plan, but you seem to have forgotten who you’re talking to.” She turns to the two women. “Ladies, I’m sorry about the confusion. You’re free to go and your entire tab for the evening is on the house. Tell Marcel at the bar that Tomi said it was fine.” The women thank her, then quickly leave—presumably to seek out Marcel. Tomi fixes her attention back on you. “Did I forget the plan,” she practically hisses. “You’re unbelievable.” “How could you just let them go?” you ask. “Because those two women were not the agents! Now go back out there and get it right. “She heads back into the storage area, still shaking her head. From inside, you hear a faint, mocking, “Did you forget the plan?” You walk out of the back room to look for the [[agents]]. You see the pair at the [[bar]] and the pair at a [[table]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

“These are—oh no.” You already realize what you’ve done. “You didn’t mean these two, did you?” Tomi shakes her head, then says a drawn-out “no.” She looks to the women. “Ladies, I’m sorry about the confusion. You’re free to go and your entire tab for the evening is on the house. Tell Marcel at the bar that Tomi said it was fine.” The women thank her, then quickly leave—presumably to seek out Marcel. Tomi levels her gaze at you. “Just… do better next time,” she says with a shake of her head. She turns and heads back into the storage area. You walk out of the back room to look for the [[agents]]. You see the pair at the [[bar]] and the pair at a [[table]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Dance Floor]]

You slither along the floor toward the door. You attempt to move like a snake, but your body isn’t actually built to accommodate that sort of motion, so it looks more like a toddler’s attempt at an army crawl. To make sure everyone knows what you’re going for, you shout, “Sssssss, I’m a sssssnaaaake!” periodically. When you finally reach the door, your plan to slither out is impeded by the lack of a door handle down here. You spend a moment lamenting the crafter’s lack of forethought, then slither up the door and grab awkwardly at the knob before slithering back down and letting yourself out into the night. Now that you’re out here, you realize being a snake is probably not going to get you safely home, so you stand up and turn on your personal light. You didn’t have time to grab a flashlight from behind the bar, so you hope this will keep you covered until you can reach the bigger road. You take off at a run. You have reached the Ooo It’s a Snaaake ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You stand up and clear your throat, casually dusting yourself off and looking glancing toward Denise and Daniel as though absolutely nothing strange had happened. You toss them a “what are your staring at” face and then look around for the [[agents]]. You see the pair on the [[dance floor]] and the pair at the [[bar]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

You straighten your body out and get some intense flopping going. It’s actually pretty fun once you get started, and you find it kind of difficult to stop actually. In fact, this feels like a really great core workout, so you just keep going. People appear beside you asking if you need help, so you stop flopping and explain to them that you aren’t actually a fish, so you aren’t actually dying. Everything’s okay. You stand up, deciding to get back to finding those [[agents]]. You see the pair on the [[dance floor]] and the pair at the [[bar]]. [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Table]]

You’re kind of bored, actually. You move through the other people on the dance floor and just sway by yourself for a while. The music is loud, and you can feel it in your blood. No one else tries to dance with you, which is great because you came out here to be alone in the crowd. After grooving for a while, you wonder if maybe you should get back to finding the [[agents]]. There is still the pair on the [[dance floor]] and the pair at the [[bar]]. On the other hand, there’s still music. [[Walk to the dance floor.]] [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Move further into the crowd and get lost in dancing.]]

You’re kind of bored, actually. You move through the other people on the dance floor and just sway by yourself for a while. The music is loud, and you can feel it in your blood. No one else tries to dance with you, which is great because you came out here to be alone in the crowd. After grooving for a while, you wonder if maybe you should get back to finding the [[agents]]. There is still the pair at the [[table]] and the pair at the [[bar]]. On the other hand, there’s still music. [[Walk to the tables.]] [[Walk behind the bar.]] [[Move further into the crowd and get lost in dancing.]]

You’re kind of bored, actually. You move through the other people on the dance floor and just sway by yourself for a while. The music is loud, and you can feel it in your blood. No one else tries to dance with you, which is great because you came out here to be alone in the crowd. After grooving for a while, you wonder if maybe you should get back to what you were doing. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Move further into the crowd and get lost in dancing.]]

You clear your throat. “Um,” you start, “there’s still the… issue of… payment?” Tomi’s eyes are sharp as they focus on you. “We can talk about payment after we deal with the agents in my bar.” [[Keep pushing about payment.->Keep pushing; pre-agent]] [[Ask about the agents.]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]]

This all sounds very intriguing to you. You’ve been in the “hunt and trade cryptids” game for a while, and it’s not getting any healthier for you. If you switched your focus, you could stay in the same general field without having to be so… hands on. “Hey,” you say, “actually—are you hiring?” “Oh!” You can hear the surprise in Agent Umar’s voice. “I’m not actually sure.” She looks to Agent Garcia, who shrugs. “I tell you what: Give me your contact info and we’ll check with our boss and get back to you!” “Great!” You give your name and number while Agent Umar types it all into her phone. You thank them and walk them out, then head again to the back room. Tomi is giving you… a look. You shrug and lift your shirt again to reveal the bandages. “I’m tired, Tomi.” You sit down at the folding table, put your head down, and take a nap. You have reached the Lateral Move ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

Even though your date has made it clear they’re done speaking to you, you decide that following them down a dark side street is a really good idea and in no way gross or weird. You head toward the road, reaching up to turn on your personal light. It’s dimmer than usual; the battery’s going. You realize you don’t have a flashlight on you. You consider going back inside to grab one, but then you won’t be able to catch the person who doesn’t want to speak to you, and that is unacceptable. Up ahead, your date makes a right turn onto the well-lit road. To your left, you hear a low growl. [[Run back inside the bar.->Go back inside V2]] [[Attack what lurks in the dark.]] [[Keep following your date for some reason.]]

When has a little growling ever stopped you? You have a human being to harass, and so help you, you’re going to do it. That’s the defiant battle cry that plays in your head, anyway. You break into a run, but the footfalls behind you are unmistakable—and much too heavy to belong to a person. The thing overtakes you before you reach the road, and you slam into the ground. Your head smacks the pavement hard enough to knock you out, which is nice actually, considering what happens next. You have reached the How’d You Think This Was Gonna End? ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

“I think,” you say, bringing yourself to your full height and facing Tomi head-on, “that the time to talk about payment is right now.” Tomi’s eyebrows raise, but her expression is otherwise unchanged. “We have two agents inside this bar right now. I am absolutely not taking anything from you with agents inside this bar; therefore, you are not getting paid until we get these agents out of this bar. What part of that, exactly, is unclear to you?” [[Force the issue.]] [[Ask about the agents.]] [[Break into interpretive dance.]]

You start to head back to the pleased face, but it looks as though they’ve left.

You look for the angry face again, but he seems to have wandered off.

You decide to return to the confused face, but you can’t find them again.

You’re not afraid of what lurks in the shadows! You face these things every day! You reach down to grab your trusted... Whoops—your gear is at home. You took it out of your bag when you got home from the hospital. [[Reach into the dark with both hands.]] [[Swing a blind punch.]] [[Unleash a powerful side kick.]]

You lunge forward, reaching both arms out in front of you. You’re hoping to find a neck, but you find empty air just as something hard and heavy barrels into your stomach, knocking you down and taking your breath. The still-fresh wounds across your midsection cry out anew as the creature comes down on top of you. [[Reason with the creature.]] [[Insult the creature.]] [[Try to fight back.]]

You screw up your courage and take a swing into the darkness. You hit nothing, but a human-like hand grabs your arm and uses your momentum against you, pulling you off balance and scratching up your arm as you go down. You hit the ground hard and try to roll out of the way, but it’s much faster than you and is soon on top of you. [[Reason with the creature.]] [[Insult the creature.]] [[Try to fight back.]]

You lean far to your right and deliver a powerful side kick in the direction of the growl and BAM!—you connect. You hear a groan of surprise as it staggers back, then what sounds like massive wings stirring the air around you—then the scream of rage as it comes for you. [[Step out of the way and run back toward the bar.]] [[Headbutt it as it attacks.]] [[Go low to trip it.]]

You realize you’ve never actually tried reasoning with the cryptids before. As your attacker backs off to prepare what you assume is its final blow, you quickly lay out all the reasons why this creature is in the wrong, actually, and it could be mutually beneficial for you both if it let you alone. Strangely, your argument is ineffective. Pity. You have reached the Why Didn’t That Work? ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

The words that come out of your mouth! You unleash a string of expletives that would make a connoisseur proud as the creature rears back to make its final attack. To your surprise, this does not bring the creature around to your way of thinking. Hmph. You have reached the Debate Me! ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You swing wildly, fists beating against the creature. It endures the attack for only a moment before grabbing your wrists with its human-like hands and lifting them up, up, up— You hear the sound of massive wings and realize you’re in the air. Your always-on brain is very excited as it realizes you’re being carried away by a mothman! You didn’t even think they hunted in this part of town. As you consider what this amazing data point could mean, the creature lets go of your wrists. Your excitement is cut short by the ruthlessness of gravity and physics. You have reached the Went Down Swinging ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

You sidestep to avoid the creature and use the brief moment it’s off balance to run back to the bar. It’s almost upon you again as you reach the door, but you manage to slip back inside at the last second. You lean against the door for a heavy moment, catching your breath. Once you manage to relax again, you straighten up and get back to your evening. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Date]]

You tilt your head down and run forward in a bull rush. You mean to headbutt your opponent, but before you connect, you hear the massive wings unfurl, and your head slams into something soft—its abdomen? It falls to the ground in front of you, and you hear the pained sounds of a hurt animal. Not one to waste a perfectly good opportunity to live, you quickly head back inside the bar. As the door closes behind you, your heart rate returns to normal. Now that you’re safe, it’s time to get back to what you were doing. [[Order a drink.->First Drink]] [[Head to the back room.]] [[Go dance by yourself for a while.->Dance by yourself; Date]]

You duck down, hoping you can knock this thing off balance. Unfortunately, it seems you forgot about the wings. Instead of tripping, it elegantly leaps over you, grabbing you tightly with it’s human-like hands before flying away into the cold, black night. You have reached the Different Kind of Mile-High Club ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

Tomi finally looks up at you. She’s silent, as though waiting for you to finish. You take a deep breath and dramatically add, “The. End.” Tomi blinks, inhales, and says, “Where is Rashaad?” You think for a moment. “On the ship?” She shakes her head. “Get out.” “What?” “Out. Get out. I’m not in the mood for… whatever this is. Just take your whole mess and leave.” You shrug and turn around, wondering vaguely why Tomi’s so annoyed. You grab a flashlight from behind the bar as you leave, making a mental note to call Rashaad in the morning. He’ll probably need a ride home from the hospital. You have reached the ALIENS! ending. [[Restart.->Start]] (Hit arrow to return to last decision.)

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YOU WALK INTO A BAR

by Stacey Janssen

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