Good morning!
I hope you've had a restful sleep. Your alarm is going off. It's very annoying.
[[Snooze]]
[[Get up]]
Right, you've had your snooze. Get up now.
[[Snooze|Snooze2]]
[[Get up]]
You've decided to not be lazy and get up.
This probably was a good decision to make today. You've got lots of stuff to get done.
[[Go to bathroom|Bathroom2]]
Don't be silly. You really, really need to get up. You have work and such.
[[Snooze|Snooze3]]
[[Get up]]
Your alarm clock has decided to take matters into its own hands. The power supply, conspiring with the snooze button in a plot against your life, has decided to sacrifice its own life in a burst of sparks and flames.
[[Oh bloody hell it's on fire|Fire]]
[[Snooze|Snooze4]]
Yes, yes, we've been through this. What are you going to do about it, exactly?
[[Leave it alone and hope it goes out|Leave it]]
[[Try and blow it out like a candle|Blow out]]
[[Do that trick where you snuff it out with your palm|Snuff]]
You're an idiot, you know that?
As you blindly fumble for the button, you stick your hand straight into the fire. In a blind panic because of this, you knock the alarm clock onto the floor, setting the carpet alight.
[[I knew I should've gotten laminate flooring|Contemplate floor]]
[[Run around screaming|Run and scream]]
[[Jump out window|Jump]]
Right. You've decided, in full seriousness, to leave an electrical fire in the hopes that it'll solve itself.
I'm afraid that electrical fires aren't fed by attention.
Luckily for you, you left your business suit in the bathroom last night.
[[Go to bathroom|Bathroom]]
You've just burned your face severely. Did your mum never teach you that very simple lesson that everyone over 4 knows - "Fire is hot."
[[Run around screaming|Run and scream]]
[[Jump out of window|Jump]]
I don't believe that electrical fires can be snuffed out like that. You give it a go, and burn the living hell out of your hand.
Now what?
[[Blow the fire out|Blow out]]
[[Run around screaming|Run and scream]]
[[Jump straight out of the window|Jump]]
Your contemplating the floor has cost you precious seconds of your life. The floor, no matter what it is made out of, would definitely be on fire.
Speaking of the floor being on fire, the floor is on fire.
The floor is on ''fire''.
''f i r e''
Your feet are burning.
[[Roll around in pain on floor|Roll around on floor]]
Jesus christ, you're being a bit loud, aren't you?
Just because your expensive luxury flat in the expensive luxury tower block is on expensive luxury fire, doesn't mean you have to scream. You've also just managed to run around on a floor that is on actual fire.
''FIRE'''
[[Drop to the floor and roll around in agony|Roll around on floor]]
Congratulations. You've managed to not only almost kill yourself, but to actually kill yourself. Being all too used to living with your parents, with your room on the bottom floor, you've forgotten that you live in a high-rise tower block now.
As you make your descent off of the mortal coil, you contemplate the fact that you should've really gotten laminate flooring.
The thought doesn't last, though. Before you know it, you, well, aren't anymore.
Your best bet now is to [[Try again|Bed]]
As you brush your teeth, you try to ignore the smell and roar of the fire currently consuming a portion of your flat.
The fire rushes up to greet you. Hello, says the fire!
[[Say hello back|Hello]]
[[Scream|Scream]]
Your instincts have got the better of you. You immediately drop to the floor and roll around, writhing in agony.
Incidentally, rolling around in what is essentially a large fire pit isn't really the best pain killer known. You've actually killed yourself. Well done.
[[Try again|Bed]]
You give the fire a friendly wave and greeting. The fire, as always, does not understand British societal norms.
Quite annoying, isn't it?
It burns you quite badly, if your definition of //quite badly// is that you haven't got skin any more.
That's quite important, isn't it?
[[Try again|Bed]]
You see, I told you that fire wasn't fed by attention.
Standing and screaming isn't going to do anything, is it?
The fire doesn't take heed of your screams for mercy, much in the way any fire does. It burns you severely.
You're actually dead.
[[Try again|Bed]]
[[Brush teeth]]
[[Don't]]
You've bought so many different toothpaste brands over the years, so you've decided to refer to them by colour instead of name.
Which toothpaste do you want?
[[White one]]
[[Pink one]]
[[Blue one]]
You grubby bastard!
Don't you know your breath will smell absolutely awful if you don't brush your teeth in the morning? I mean, I can forgive not brushing at night, everyone does that, but in the //morning//?
Jesus Christ.
[[Shower]]
Boring old white toothpaste for a boring old white life. You're not helping yourself live a more fulfilling life. Plus, this toothpaste is just mint flavour.
[[Shower]]
Oh my ''GOD'', this toothpaste tastes like complete arse. What kind of idiot would buy this?
^^oh yeah^^
[[Shower]]
Turns out this wasn't actually a toothpaste at all, but was actually some kind of lotion.
It tastes like death, and now your breath smells weird. No amount of tooth brushing, mouthwash, or chewing gum's going to get that taste out.
[[Shower]]
You're in the shower. It's probably the wettest part of the house.
[[Stand and think]]
[[Wash quickly and get out]]
You've always wondered what waterboarding is like, haven't you?
[[Yes]]
[[No]]
You decide to do the classic man wash: Cursory face wash, pits, and undercarriage.
It's worked before, so why not now?
[[Get out]]
You decide to put the flannel over your face and try it out for yourself.
You immediately regret this decision, but now know how it works for the US.
[[Wash quickly and get out]]
Let's try that again.
''You've always wondered what waterboarding is like, haven't you?''
[[Yes]]
[[Yes]]
You're soaking wet, and you've realised that you're running pretty late.
What shall we do? It's your own fault, I'm just the narrator of your life.
[[Get straight into suit without drying]]
[[Carefully dry yourself]]
You realise this'll ruin the suit eventually. Not one of your finest ideas, Einstein.
You head downstairs and it's time for breakfast. What do you have?
[[Jam on toast]]
[[Peanut butter on toast]]
[[Marmite on toast]]
[[Bran Flakes]]
Right, you've decided that it's more important to be nice and dry rather than not be late for work.
Your bright idea has left you with one choice for breakfast:
[[Bran Flakes]]
You jam the bread into the toaster, then jam the toasted bread.
It's completely and utterly satisfactory.
It's time to head out.
[[Wear the wacky clown shoes]]
[[Wear the business shoes]]
You just remembered, you're deathly allergic to peanuts! How silly of you!
What do you want for breakfast?
[[Jam on toast]]
[[Peanut butter on toast|Peanut butter on toast2]]
[[Marmite on toast]]
[[Bran Flakes]]
Mmm... delicious yeasty yeast extract. My favourite.
Probably yours too, judging by the way you've devoured it.
It's time to head out.
[[Wear the wacky clown shoes]]
[[Wear the business shoes]]
You really are a boring individual aren't you.
You slowly eat your cardboard cereal while thinking about how your life came to this point.
It's time to head out.
[[Wear the wacky clown shoes]]
[[Wear the business shoes]]
You put the shoes on.
"This'll give Derek in accounts a right laugh when he sees me wearing these!", you chuckle to yourself.
As you step out of the door, one of your legs, conspiring against you with the shoe, decides it wants a relaxing day in.
You trip over and smash your head into the concrete.
You're dead, now.
Congrats.
[[Try again|Bed]]
You've decided to be boring.
Sadly, since this is life, you've managed to win this game, and beat the morning without dying horribly.
Congrats, now [[try not to be so boring|Bed]]
Wow, you're insistent upon killing yourself in any way you can find, aren't you?
You spread the peanut butter onto the toasted bread, knowing full well this will be your last meal.
You eat the toast.
"Wow, this is delicious! I really wish I wasn't allergic to peanuts!" you say as your throat closes up and you die.
[[Try again|Bed]]