Let's start a band!

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So you wan't to start a band, huh? Let's see how successful you'll be. It's true, your singing talents are being wasted. What's your name again? Type your name in the box below and click enter. <<textbox "$player_name" "" [[place_name]]>>

That's a cool name, $player_name. What's the name of your town again? Type the name of your town in the box below and click enter. <<textbox "$place_name" "" [[job]]>>

Oh, I hear it's lovely down your way $player_name. $place_name has some lovely blossoms in the spring. What's it you do for a livin'? Type your job title in the box below and click enter. <<textbox "$job" "" [[choose band mates]]>> <img src="https://i.ibb.co/qd6VMJd/magnolia-trees-556718-1920.jpg" alt="magnolia-trees-556718-1920" border="0">

You think through all of your friends, some more musically able than others. Who will you ask to join? <<if visited("Mike, the cool guy - he's good at guitar.") is 0>>[[Mike, the cool guy - he's good at guitar.]]<</if>> <<if visited("Milneybae - he is shit hot at those drums!!") is 0>>[[Milneybae - he is shit hot at those drums!!]]<</if>> <<if visited("Fifi the Fiendish - she's an absolute cow but she can shred like nobody's business.") is 0>>[[Fifi the Fiendish - she's an absolute cow but she can shred like nobody's business.]]<</if>> <<if visited("Joe plays bass. That's it.") is 0>>[[Joe plays bass. That's it.]]<</if>> [[That's everyone I want in my band.]]

Mike tells you to fuck off. He's too cool for this shit. Who else do you want in your [[band->choose band mates]]?

Milneybae says "Hell yeah! When do we start?" then does a wicked solo full of paradiddles and that. Who else do you want in your [[band->choose band mates]]?

Fifi blows her fringe out of her eyes and fixes you a stare. You're nervous. She can tell. "Ugh, sure, whatever," she shrugs. Before you leave though, she adds: "Can you get a decent haircut and like run your jokes past us before you use them on stage? They fuckin' suck dude." You attempt a smile. Who else do you want in your [[band->choose band mates]]?

"Aye." Who else do you want in your [[band->choose band mates]]?

Your first practice goes surprisingly well. Now to come up with a band name... Type the name of your band in the box below and click enter. <<textbox "$band_name" "" [[EP]]>>

Your dreams are crushed and dead. Game over.

You're very well known in $place_name, local legends even, but not much further than that. You will have to go back to your job as a $job and earn a livin'. Still, you always get a free pint at your local. Game over.

You've been moderately successful and have made enough money to pay off your mortgage. One day you will feature on NME's top 100 forgotten gems. Woohoo. Game over.

You guys have made it. Maybe you're not quite the Rolling Stones, maybe more The Ramones - either way teenagers will be wearing t-shirts with your face and $band_name on without knowing more than your top two hits in a couple of decades time. Game over.

OH MY GOD. You are rock legends for life and will receive as much cunnilingus or fellatio as you desire from attractive groupies forever and you have multiple mansions. Game over.

<<if visited("Fifi the Fiendish - she's an absolute cow but she can shred like nobody's business.") is 1>>Fifi rolls her eyes at the name $band_name so hard she has to forcibly push them back down with her fingers.<</if>> <<if visited("Milneybae - he is shit hot at those drums!!") is 1>>Milnaebae bloody loves the name $band_name and celebrates with some cool broken beats on a nearby table.<</if>> <<if visited("Joe plays bass. That's it.") is 1>>Joe stands about.<</if>> It's time to record an EP. How will you launch this EP? At a gig at a [[cool bar]]. Online using [[Instagram]]. In your [[mom's garage]].

Oh, hey look, Mike, the cool guy, is here. <<if visited("Mike, the cool guy - he's good at guitar.") is 0>>"Hey, why didn't you invite me to be in your band $player_name?" he asks. [[Because you're too cool for us.]] [[Because you're actually a bit of a snob and we knew you'd say no.]] <</if>> <<if visited("Mike, the cool guy - he's good at guitar.") is 1>>"Hey, you guys seem cool actually...Do you want me to hook you up with some cool contacts $player_name?" [[Yes please!]] [[No, we are fine without you.]] <</if>> <img src="https://i.ibb.co/74FXYQT/bar-2428693-1920.jpg" alt="bar-2428693-1920" border="0">

Noooiice - thanks to your top social media skills you got a bunch of followers and people actually downloaded your EP. And paid money for it! What next? [[Ask your followers where to perform first.]] [[Go play a gig at that cool bar.->cool bar]] [[Message lots of record labels on Instagram.->choose a record label to sign with]]

Well...at least the cat saw your show. Let's see how successful your band $band_name was in [[the end.->crushed dreams]] <img src="https://i.ibb.co/MkSYQjZ/demon-667164-1920.jpg" alt="demon-667164-1920" border="0">

Mike is so cool that this horrific attempt at flattery just makes him feel sorry for you even more. Tell you what, come play at my friend's apartment this weekend. [[Yes please.->Some dude named Steve's apartment.]] [[No thank you.->crushed dreams]]

Mike gives you a fierce back-hand slap and you and the rest of $band_name run away and never visit that cool bar again. The name $player_name is mud in this town now. Let's see how successful your band $band_name was in [[the end.->crushed dreams]]

"Tell you what, come play at my friend's apartment this weekend," says Mike. [[Yes please.->Some dude named Steve's apartment.]] [[No thank you, we can find somewhere cooler to play.->crushed dreams]]

<<if visited("Fifi the Fiendish - she's an absolute cow but she can shred like nobody's business.") is 1>>Fifi agrees with you and you earn some of her respect. It's a step in the right direction anyway, and she uses her erotic capital as an attractive female to get you guys some record label meetings the next week. Shady, but it works. Do you agree to attend these meetings? [[Yes->choose a record label to sign with]] [[No->crushed dreams]] <</if>> <<if visited("Milneybae - he is shit hot at those drums!!") is 1>>Milneybae has already made some friends with a guy named Steve who's invited you to play at his apartment. Do you want to go? [[Yes->Some dude named Steve's apartment.]] [[No->crushed dreams]] <</if>> <<if visited("Joe plays bass. That's it.") is 1>>Joe breathes in, then out.<</if>> Mike walks away. You can choose to [[follow->remembered for at least two generations]] him and take his help if you want.

<<set $player_fate to either("sued", "viewed by millions", "band mates have to go back to jobs")>> <<if $player_fate is "sued">> Oh dear. $band_name is already the name of a band - a band with a very experienced and litigious set of lawyers. Let's see how successful your band $band_name was in [[the end.->crushed dreams]] <<elseif $player_fate is "viewed by millions">> Wow - you are absolutely universally adored. Let's see how successful your band $band_name was in [[the end.->gazillionaires]] <<elseif $player_fate is "band mates have to go back to jobs">> The rest of your band say they have to stop this now, live in reality. Let's see how successful your band $band_name was in [[the end.->local legends]] <<endif>>

Choose a record label to sign with: [[Rockin' Records]] [[Mighty Mountains]] [[Hipster Hats]]

Oh, maybe they don't love you that much. You have three rather lacklustre responses from your fans. Which one will you go for? [[local pizza parlour.]] [[Festival of Corn.]] [[Some dude named Steve's apartment.]]

Hey, turns out Steve is big in the business and loads of his record label pals were over! They loved you and they all want a piece of the action. Choose a record label to sign with: [[Rockin' Records]] [[Mighty Mountains]] [[Hipster Hats]] <img src="https://i.ibb.co/82b988t/model-3513812-1920.jpg" alt="model-3513812-1920" border="0">

Haha why did you do it here? I guess free pizza is better than no pizza. They let you play here every week for the next five years. Let's see how successful your band $band_name was in [[the end.->local legends]] <img src="https://i.ibb.co/zGpZBYy/pizza-155771-1280.png" alt="pizza-155771-1280" border="0">

Oh wow, they love you. You get to play at all of the corn festivals in your state this year. Your EP single gets its own music video. It's of you guys playing at a corn festival, but whatever man, it gets over a million hits on Vemo. Let's see how successful your band $band_name was in [[the end.->moderately successful]] <img src="https://i.ibb.co/VVfymhs/corn-3699563-1920.jpg" alt="corn-3699563-1920" border="0">

The name is super cheesy. They seem alright though... [[What happens next?->random event]]

They aren't very good... [[What happens next?->random event]]

You actually chose these jokers? Huh, they might work out. [[What happens next?->random event]]

So you wan't to start a band, huh? Let's see how successful you'll be.

It's true, your singing talents are being wasted.

What's your name again?

Type your name in the box below and click enter.